fifty two chances to be awesome

365.4/21 AlohaThursday

I turned fifty two last week. Its such a dull number. I mean there’s no movies named after it like -“Ten” or musicals  like “Nine” or even TV shows like ’24’.  And its not even like 50, which was one big fucking deal. I had three birthday parties that year and I’m not even popular.

Nope, it was just boring little 52. Yawn. What? You want us to notice you? You better at least lift your shirt or something.  Okay, I was pretty damn popular on Facebook. I think I had close to 40 birthday greetings. They didn’t know about the boring number part though. I just pretended it was something fabulous like 46, which is what my neighbor guessed I was. Of course I do live at the Crazy Hilton and she might have just needed a medication adjustment. I also had some nice gifties from my awesome diaryland buddies (yes, diaryland still exists…I think)…the sexy cast of “Nine” all rolled into one… Ms. HissandTell, my secret penpal AnnaNotBob, the hilarious Poolagirl, who shares my birthday and the lovely Bluey from Canada.

Life has been crazy if not stressful lately though. The birthday thing included my yearly birthday party at my aunt’s house. She makes pretty little cakes and my mom sits and talks about herself endlessly.  Hey! Sorta like the last 52 years. She forgets that I’m the guest of honor. I usually eventually wander into my aunt’s living room and play Broadway musicals on the piano, you know, briefly living out that fantasy I had of being in show business many years ago. My first few jobs were actually  in the theatre field…playing the piano for musical productions. The last one was playing the piano in a whorehouse…for a show of course (heh!)  and getting fired. Can you imagine? Me getting fired from a whorehouse! It was a travesty!

But I got my revenge, dearies! I became a theatre critic for newspapers. Ha ha ha! Off with their heads. Slash, slash, slash! If there was one thing I learned from my mother was how to criticize people!  🙂

After cake and some Broadway musicals, it was off to see “A”. I haven’t seen him as my therapist for a really long time. I’ve been under a lot of pressure lately, you see. Cancer. School. Mothers. Did I mention Cancer? Oh, and 300 days in a row of snow and gray skies which tend to cause depression. We had a good session though. I didn’t make “A” guess my age or anything. He wasn’t overtly medicated like the lady at my apartment complex. And I didn’t want him guessing 57 or something.

Anyways, last Friday was my actual birthday. It was pretty low-key. I had freaked out “A” when I told him I had a massage scheduled the next day. He immediately thought I had hired Married Guy. Would I do that? Well, almost. I’m not perfect, ya know. I’m wittykitty. I had written Married Guy a lengthy emotional e-mail the weekend before and nearly hit “send”. What can I say? When I was sitting here feeling lonely, thinking about how good his hands used to feel on my ass, I guess you can say, I experienced a 45 minute lapse of nearly regrettable behavior.

Fortunately there were no blizzards the next day (sending love and kisses  down to Washington DC for taking all our BIG blizzards this year. Thanks, guys!!!), so I drove over to my cute little Eye-talian masseuse. This was our second session. He talked a little more this time and he’s definitely from Jersey. It was so nice getting a no strings attached massage from an Eye-talian.

 The rest of my birthday was pretty uneventful. Didn’t I just mention how boring 52 is? Are you listening?

School has been limping along. Evidently I have something called Chemotherapy-Brain, which is making it difficult for me to remember much of anything, which is like totally perfect for going back to school. Yay!  I’ve yet to do any of my homework correctly yet. Every week I either forget some sketchpad with my homework in it or I can’t comprehend what I’m reading  in one of my textbooks or I paint something completely wrong.

Our first assignment was to paint a “virus”. I might have mentioned this. Anyways, the day we were supposed to pin them all up on the wall to critique them I almost fainted. Everyone’s work was in black, white and gray. Mine? Mine looked like some freaking multi-colored Mardi Gras cat vomit. After the first week’s comment from the teacher about how my work was not something  anyone wanted to copy,  I really didn’t want to put it up. I mean really. But there it was…looking like Liberace in the middle of a bunch of nuns. Eeep!

Homework #2

The teacher just looked at it and said, “You’ll have to do it over, but don’t destroy it.”  Which I think in Teacher Talk, at least this Teacher, might have possibly been a vague compliment. And like duh! Like I would destroy any of my artwork. I like my Mardi Gras cat vomit virus. Wouldn’t you want that on a birthday card? Maybe by my 53rd birthday, it will be.


18 Responses to “fifty two chances to be awesome”

  1. Xat Says:

    I don’t care, I love your virus picture. Love it!


  2. azzweepay Says:

    I like that picture. Belated Happy b-day, Witty!Kitty

  3. Anna Says:

    That is such a beautiful picture of you at the top of this – one of my favourites. xx

  4. deb Says:

    OMG I love the mardi gras vomit virus – it’s beautiful.

  5. poolagirl Says:

    I think you should keep them all as a collection and then get a faboo review on them and hang them in the Getty here in Los Angeles. That’ll show her!

  6. DanjerusKurves Says:

    Did you sell your soul to the Devil in exchange for looking young forever?

  7. stepfordtart Says:

    That teacher still sounds like a grade A bitch. Have you told her you have chemo brain? Not making excuses or nuffin but hey, if you have a tool at your disposal, you may as well use it! Either that or you’re gonna have to get yourself a homework diary. Jooj has one – if she didnt, she would just wander through each school day in a cloud of fit boys, vampire novels and banana bran muffin appreciation. Thanks for your email btw – will reply jolly soon. s x

  8. crankygirl Says:

    She’s a DUMB bitch. Check out this website, where they make beautiful virus items that make money.

  9. ska-t Says:

    Sounds to me like your art teacher sucks. Destroy?! Who says that?!

    Oh, and belated happy birthday, fellow Aquarian-on-the-cusp.

  10. Kungfukitten Says:

    Happy Belated Birthday! I like your cat vomit painting. Remember, the best artists are the ones who break the rules, you rebel.

  11. scotvalkyrie Says:

    . . . and I think this is an excellent example of the adage, “Those who can’t do, teach.” It’s not always true, but it certainly seems to be apt from YOUR teacher.

  12. scotvalkyrie Says:

    sorry, I meant FOR your teacher. Not FROM her. I wouldn’t take a coffee order FROM her. She’s a moron.

  13. Bluey Says:

    Witty, I love that painting! This is hilarious – I can’t believe I missed it. As always, you are a great read. Thanks very much for your kind note. I will seek out that book suggestion. 🙂

  14. elizabeth Says:

    Good to hear from you again, kitty. Happy Birthday, too. I have one coming up in a couple months, and I think I will have to get a massage too. Great idea!

  15. alison Says:

    Warm, Peaceful thoughts sent your way. may your 52nd year be the best of all your years.

  16. artgnome Says:

    sending good vibes, prayer and all other fabulous and miraculous things your way, witty. You are an incredible artist and a wonderful person. I really wish for things to turn around for you in a good way and soon. contact me if you need my phone number or anything else. xo!

  17. MFV Says:

    I can’t offer a meaningful critique of art (people who live in glass houses…), but I’ll criticize the crap out of that teacher. The only good thing I can say about him/her is that at least they’re not teaching kids. Can you imagine the damage they would do?

    Art is about creativity and imagination. It’s about standing out from the crowd, and showing other people things that they haven’t seen. Any idiot (even I) could paint a kind of diagram, based on a photo taken down a microscope… but it would be dull as dishwater.

    Oh, and 52 is cool. Cards in a deck.

  18. pantrypuff Says:

    I think that painting is awesome — why on earth would you have to do it over? “Please redo the assignment and make it look lame. Thank you.” Weird.

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