Guardcat writes another note for witty’s ambivilent blog behavior

Dear Ms. Blogenstein:

Guardcat here again. I turned my back on her for one minute and then witty skips out on her blog for yet another 26 days, cheating on you with I believe,  facebook since, well, you know, she has a very short attention span these days and prefers writing only one sentence updates instead of lengthy whine-fests, since funny can only go so far when your life  makes the movie “Titanic” look like a Seth Rogan Sex Romp (witty made me put that in there. I didn’t think it was particularly funny, but what do I know, I  sleep 23 hours a day and chase imaginary pieces of lint). So the minute I decided to take a nap, witty was off doing stuff like trying to get an inspection sticker for her rusty old pile of crap car which she bought on 6/6/06, (no mistake on what that means I tell ya), because she brought it out to this garage by a lake to this mechanic who looks like a bad-ass Billy Joel with tattoos all over his body and what do you think happened? Well, we are talking about witty and her crap car….the car failed the inspection of course, but the guy said, well, if you go drive it 50 miles maybe the emissions (garbled word) will reset itself and then I can give you the sticker, so witty got in her car and started driving around this lake, like  la la la, I’m on vacation in my piece of crap car, la la la, and then she even stopped at this old antique store with scary clown dolls and NASCAR tee-shirts and really wanted to do one of her weird self portraits amidst the antiques, looking all wacky like she does in her photos until she realized there were video cameras everywhere and all the old people up by the front door were watching her on their panel of TV cams, snickering saying things like, “Ewww, she’s weird, she must be an artist or something”, probably because witty was also crawling around on the floor looking for frames because she’s like totally obsessed with buying every single frame in New York state, you know, in case she paints a painting that size and can buy it for $1.50 in some crazy antique store with Stephen King clown dolls, but unfortunately now she has so many frames in OUR apartment, its starting to look like that TV show, “Messiest Home in America” where that gay guy and his crew makes you throw out everything including that piece of material you sucked on when you were three and then they  re-design your whole house in two days while you stay at a really nice hotel and get a massage, I mean, I really think she has an ulterior motive with this escalating frame problem, but now I actually forgot what I was talking about, oh yes, witty having to drive 50 miles to reset the emissions thingie, so she did do that and came back to the gas station where Mr. Bad Ass Billy Joel Jr. clamped his machine to witty’s little box (the most action she’ll probably evah see–heh heh) and guess what happened? Go ahead guess!  It flunked again and then again and then again and then again and then again…No, not all on the same day.. she had to drive the 20 mile round trip 5 more times trying to reset that goddamn emissions thing and nothing was happening so now her car inspection sticker has expired, so she’s trying to be invisible to the cops, which she’s really good at, since she actually thinks she’s invisible….no really….like she’ll think she’s hiding from me in the kitchen  when she should be feeding me and then I’ll bite her ankle. Heh heh.  Silly girl. Anyhoo, witty has had lots of other stuff going on, like the stalker chick showing up at her art class and wanting to hug her for no real reason other than re-enact a scene from “Fatal Attraction”  or some weird thing.  And then some guy worked on her computer and decided to switch her computer tower for another one and then pretend he didn’t, so she ended up going to the police but since the computer was a gift from her brother and she had no proof of what brand it was, not much happened, although she did feel somewhat vindicated when the cop totally tore the thieving asshole a new arse during his interrogation on the phone, since the computer he returned to witty was totally wiped clean of over 1200 photos, including those, well, you know pseudo-Playboy ones witty likes to do (Officially called Identity Theft in legaleeze). And then for the grand finale nee: witty summer ’09 wallapalooza  just when things were going especially groovy, fate decided to give witty yet another ride on the cancer merry-go-round it seems. Of course witty was momentarily horrified all excited when her hot oncologist called last week, that is until he actually started talking and she knew it wasn’t good since he usually  has his physician’s assistant call. Sure I was in sleeping on witty’s bed, but I think I heard something like: “The nodes in your lung have doubled in size since your last scan in May. I’m going to be sending you to a Thoracic Surgeon in the next few days. He’ll talk to you about what we’ll be doing” I let her rub my belly a few extra times that night, since she seemed pretty upset about everything. So witty went to meet yet another new doctor on the Tuesday after labor day and they got to watch the video scans on his computer, kinda like DEATH WII. He told witty about the node doubling in size and the two options that were available. If its minor they’ll do something called razor radiation. If its major it’ll be a full fledged surgery which would keep her in the hospital for 7-8 days and out of commission for 6-8 weeks. Yeeks! Who is gonna buy me cat food? So witty of course wrote to “A” and told him and he was very concerned and then on Wednesday, when she co-hosted with Charlemagne at her art class, he was very upset too, especially when she suggested that she put off the possible upcoming surgery because she has a bunch of art shows  in October including one in which one of her paintings just got published in a book and she really wanted to go to the opening, but Charlemagne was aghast and said he would not allow his friend to die because she wanted to go to a….now what did he say? I think it was something like “a fucking art show”, yeah, something like that. He also offered to drive witty to the hospital on Tuesday for the lung needle biopsy. She had hoped “A” could do it like last time, but he had another commitment, although strangely right after she hung up from “A”, Charlemagne called witty up  saying he was taking her to the hospital but they’d have to talk Sunday or Monday about times and directions. Naturally she was worried because he is perpetually late, so she said, “Are you sure?” and then he handed the phone to his girlfriend who is in charge of him and she said she’d make sure he’d be there, which is good because witty had sat for about 2 hours the night before looking at Married Guy’s photo in Facebook trying to get up the courage to write him a note asking for a ride to the hospital which of course would have been really stupid but what’s that saying? “Desperate times call for desperate measures“,  but then Charlemange called, probably because “A” got my subconscious ESP message that witty was considering calling Married Guy. So she is really scared and really tired, but she’s been trying to keep busy, in fact tomorrow she is going to her favorite artsy/hippie festival to cavort with like souls and then on Monday, she’ll be joining some of her art friends at the local university to draw in their art gallery….an event she was originally going to miss because, well, she was going to go back to school, but that is all off, unfortunately. With all these unknown factors, medical procedures, and possible major surgeries all falling in the first three weeks of school and possibly affecting a large postion of the semester, witty figured she better just drop out of school and NOT lose  the government funding she worked so hard to procure. That however, made her very, very, very sad. It was the first thing she had really looked forward to in many years. In fact she’s been like a five year old looking forward to the first day of kindergarten for like the last two weeks. I may have to let her scratch my belly again.

Sincerely, Guardcat.


20 Responses to “Guardcat writes another note for witty’s ambivilent blog behavior”

  1. Glynis Says:

    Oh no!

    I was thinking about you today. I saw a house with a ton of sunflowers in the yard last week, and thought of you. Beloved Boyfriend sends his best hope for your well-being too.

    There are people all over who are hoping and sending healing thoughts your way.


  2. Lisa Says:

    I will be doing some art type therapy tomorrow as well, so good luck with that. FUCK that computer shit though, that is horrible with losing the photos and all…might as well have been a house invasion if you ask me. I have 2 old computers if you are interested and yes I am serious. They aren’t that fast but they will get you online and let you download stuff. I mean, sheesh! Sounds like you’ve had enough already, eh?

  3. Kathy Says:

    Yep, been wondering where you were. I’ll keep a good thought for you.

  4. Anna Says:

    Love love and more love, guardcat. Though can I say one word: PARAGRAPHS. Jesus, didn’t witty teach you anything? {{{{{witty}}}} (That’s a big hug from me)

  5. Marn, eh Says:

    Let me toss a few more good thoughts and a hug your way, too. Man, but you have a lot on your plate.

  6. artgnome Says:

    Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help. I wish I had cash because I would surely send some your way. that or a better car. I will be keeping you in prayer and if you have lost my phone number I will send it to you again through FB. I’m so sorry so much has taken a down turn for you. Here’s hoping and believing a wonderful breakthrough is just on the other side of it! – juni

  7. LA Says:

    What a kick in the shins. I am grieved for you, sweetie. That load of woe is too unfair! I hope the biopsy comes out clean. ~LA

  8. mpeacock Says:

    I will put you in my meditation.

  9. poolagirl Says:

    Oh sweetie! I am holding you in my heart! I hope everything works out well. I am thinking of you!

  10. stepfordtart Says:

    wishing good things for you, dear. much love s x

  11. ainsworthin Says:

    What a lot of miserable stuff to deal with! 😦 I’m sending healing thougts your way. And I hope karma gets that computer guy somehow, sometime.

  12. DanjerusKurves Says:

    *sniffle* … *hug*

  13. freshhell Says:

    Ugh – sorry to hear about all this, Guardcat! I hope your mistress has a turn around in her luck and can reenroll in January. Tell her I just sent her a final payment for Coyote!

  14. karmacat Says:

    Good thoughts and fingers crossed for “minor.”

    “including that piece of material you sucked on when you were three” — thanks for that laugh.

  15. scotvalkyrie Says:

    Well, FUCKOLA. I really hope those nodes your lungs are just sarcoidosis, and then we can bitch about being sarcoid sisters together. ((hugs)), love, Bonnie

  16. Kungfukitten Says:

    I thought the same thing Ms. Valkyrie did. I hope it’s something minor. You’ve had to deal with too much crap this year. Let us know how you’re doing. XOXOXO. (in a non creepy unfatal attraction sort of way – did I just use a double negative?)

  17. SJAT Says:

    More love & support flowing over from the UK. Hope it doesn’t go astray crossing the pond.

  18. teranika Says:

    Hey witty and guardcat – your name has been kicking around on the lists of several of my blog buddies for quite some time now. You and your pair of lungs are in my thoughts – I’ll be sending you all the good health vibes that I can…

  19. gbw Says:

    Man that sucks. I hope the medical stuff isn’t a big deal.

  20. Tony Brown Says:

    I don’t know If I said it already but …I’m so glad I found this site…Keep up the good work I read a lot of blogs on a daily basis and for the most part, people lack substance but, I just wanted to make a quick comment to say GREAT blog. Thanks, 🙂

    A definite great read..Tony Brown

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