the cloak of invisibility is lifting…

Now I don’t want to sound egotistical or anything, but I’ve been having this really weird conundrum lately. Oh wait, let me explain something first. I have always felt invisible. Whether it was my dysfunctional upbringing or the fact that I’m very quiet in person, I have always felt like I’m walking around under a Cloak of Invisibility.

Like I’ll be on a hiking trail and somebody will walk by and I’ll nearly jump out of my skin if they say “hello”. Why? Because I thought I was invisible, silly!

But recently that has all been changing. People are suddenly seeing me. And talking to me. And inviting me places. And you know what? Its freaking me the hell out.

What’s the difference? I think it has to do with the having of cancer in January.  I’ve been living every day like its my last. I’ve been letting my guard down. I’ve been “LETTING” people like me (Isn’t that nice of me? Ya wanna like me? Permission granted!)

And then perhaps the biggest thing….I’ve been slowly deleting the negative people out of my life. That’s a big one!

The Spanish artist lady, who I have now gone kayaking twice with, has absolutely no filters when she talks. She tells me everything that is on her mind. She tells me I’m pretty, but also that I’m fat. In the kayak this last week, she was chatting away and she said the reason she was now inviting me to her house was that I seemed more positive. “Before you were quiet and strange”.

Well, all righty then!

I’m just here to report, I’m still quiet and strange, and proud of it, but I’ve opened up to people more and its amazing how they’ll just invite you to their house just by opening up a little. I mean I’ve been kayaking twice in the last 3 weeks. I went to “L” the Hippie Chick’s house for dinner on Memorial Day. Her friend at the dinner called me and we chatted for an hour. She’s trying to hook me up with some 37 year old guy. The Spanish Chick rowed our kayak up to this single guy’s house on the lake and we chatted with him and he  invited us for quesadillas and asked me if I was single, telling me in the same breath that he was too (smile, smile). Funny how everyone is suddenly trying to hook me up. I guess I must look like I need to get laid or something.

Anyways, on the professional front things have been looking up too. I had the wife of one of my artist friends contact me and say that she wanted to look at my artwork for a show at a local beauty spa. I had met her twice before. Her husband was the one who used to pick up women  by flaring his nostrils suggestively at bars. I had also met her at my show in early May and tried contacting her, but her hubby had given me the wrong e-mail address, so no contact.

She finally called me this last week and we made arrangements for her to come see all my artwork at my apartment…you know,  the wittykitty MOMA museum. Naturally I was angsty. Why? Well, duh! a) Having a stranger in my apartment. b) Having someone saying “I like this. I don’t like this. c) Having to unpack and arrange about 20 paintings on all the furniture around my teeny tiny apartment much to Guardcat’s extreme displeasure.

So she came over this week. She was very nice. She was at my apartment for about 45 minutes, arranging and rearranging various pieces of art on the floor to see what would make a good art show at a Eye-talian beauty spa. She was very chatty and said only positive things fortunately, but I still felt nervous as I sat on my couch with Guardcat. In the end she selected 8 paintings and said she’d get back to me about the date of the show.

In the meantime, I got an e-mail from the art gallery where I just had the show. A guy was interested in buying one of my paintings and suddenly more angst! Hey, I’m still angsty. I don’t think I’ll ever get over that. So I called him up. He sounded gay, which of course made me feel more comfortable about offering to take the artwork to his house. There aren’t THAT many gay serial killers. So we made arrangements for the next day.

The next day I went to the Warehouse where I put up a small  display of my photos for Charlemagne’s show this Saturday. I didn’t like the way it looked. Nine 8X10 frames in the middle of a huge wooden box. They looked so forlorn. So I started hunting around for garbage. Yup! Nearby somebody had been spray painting some paper so I took the scraps off the floor and ripped and spray painted them some more and tucked them around the frames. I also ripped apart some plastic bags and found two long metal strips which I hung on nails. Oh yeah, so…so SOHO. Ok, maybe not. But it looked a little better and lets just say I was also a little stoned on the spray paint.

Being stoned when you deliver art is really the only way to go, especially when you keep driving in circles and you’re like OMG, he was like totally expecting me 5 minutes ago and all these suburban houses, like, totally look alike.

I finally found his house and this tall, deliciously handsome gay man came out and welcomed me. We went into his house and he gave me a  tour of all the art around the house, including in his bedroom. I finally unwrapped the Koi fish painting and he just squealed and squealed. And it did look nice against his sunflower yellow walls.

He then turned to me and said, “Well, I always negotiate the price with the artist.” I knew this was coming and considering the original price I had offered it to “A” two years ago and even last summer for $75 (and he  never took it. tsk-tsk!), I had now doubled the price. Why not? Inflation, you know! So he said, “One hundred and a quarter”. I said, “No problem”. He looked at me and smiled and said, “You’re so cute. I love your painting. I’ll just give you full price!”

It was now my turn to squeal, except I did it on the inside of course. He was very very complimentary though. It was like being washed over by warm sensuous waves, all the nice things he was saying. So he wrote me a check in the kitchen. He showed me his garden from the window and said, “Oh, I have a koi pond in my backyard. Do you want to see it?” I really did. I love koi  fish. So we went out back and I shot some photos and got to meet his partner. They had a gorgeous yard.

As I was leaving I told him I was glad he liked the painting and that it was going to a loving home. He stopped for a second and then said, “Can I hug you?” Dang, I love having gorgeous gay men hugging me. So we hugged and then it was off to the Yuppie Grocery store for a congratulatory dinner by myself.  

No…Married Guy has never called back. But I have better things to do, you know, like maybe paint some new things to sell.

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20 Responses to “the cloak of invisibility is lifting…”

  1. freshhell Says:

    Good for you! That is a beautiful painting and I’m very jealous that I don’t own it.

  2. Coach J Says:

    Hooray for positivity! And yes, handsome gay men are one of life’s many pleasure…

    Congrats on the sell.

  3. artgnome Says:

    OMGosh I am so excited for YOU! I know great things are going to happen for you because you are a GREAT artist!

    Say the word and I will drive up and spend an afternoon, ok?

  4. Kathy Says:

    Wow. Sometimes the silver lining in the cloud is not so easy to see; sometimes it can take years to see it. Here’s to making it through a difficult experience and using it to make your life better. P.S. I love your paintings, too. Congrats on yet ANOTHER! sale!

  5. poolagirl Says:

    That is just excellent news! Faboo, my dear! And I also like the linkie generated by WordPress for this entry today: Well hung and ready to go

  6. xat Says:

    I am so happy for you! Selling a really lovely painting! Getting another show! Kayaking! Meeting people! You, m’dear, totally rock!

    If I don’t control myself, the exclamation points will soon pepper this entire reply and I’ll sound like an annoyingly peppy cheerleader. Maybe it’s already happened.

    Congratulations on finding joy in your life. That’s a huge thing.

    I am doing my best to get the pipes up to par. I want to be able to sing “At Last” without anyone gagging and running away. *giggle*

  7. Anna Says:

    So wonderful, so inspiring. I’d have said beautiful and plump, not fat. xxx

  8. BT Says:

    I’ve often thought about masquerading as a gay man. It seems you girls put your guard down, and … hug! Of course, handing over wads of cash might ease the process too.

  9. zucchini breath Says:

    Congrats on the sale. It’s so great when you are happy 🙂

  10. scotvalkyrie Says:

    **does hapopy dance for witty** Yay!

  11. scotvalkyrie Says:

    BTW “hapopy” means a hoppy happy dance.

  12. Kungfukitten Says:

    That’s so awesome. Remember this feeling and stay with it! Plus, eye contact everywhere you go and smile smile smile. I bet you’re already doing that. 🙂 Awesome Koi painting. I really think you should open an ETSY store with your art. I bet you would sell even more.

  13. LA Says:

    Anyone whose art sings with that much joy and vibrant life could not possibly stay hidden away forever. So glad you’ve come out into the sun again, dear one. This entry made my day. ~LA

  14. elizabeth Says:

    Good to hear you’re doing well these days!

  15. stepfordtart Says:

    Thats just brilliant. Im so pleased for you. Thank you, too, for your positive comment over at my place, it was very much appreciated. ((squeeeeeze)) s x

  16. geekbetty Says:

    Congratulations on your sale!!
    pssst. I liked you when you were quiet and strange BUT I like this happier you as well.

  17. Seacreature Says:

    I’m so glad things are looking up for you finally! I LOVE that fish painting! Wow, what are you taking? Can I have some? My life seems to be going in the opposite direction lately. I’m so full of anger and bullshit… Oh well, it’ll pass. You’re very inspiring. Enjoy!

  18. dangerkitty Says:

    Congrats on your sale! That koi fish painting is absolutely beautiful! And aren’t handsome gay men the best? They’re like dessert without all the calories.

  19. Andria Says:

    I like KFK’s idea of opening an Etsy store. I would totally buy your art!

  20. Patty Says:

    Congrats! LOVE the koi painting!!!!

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