gangsta scarface chin girl

Needless to say I’m a little sensitive about the 2 large, prominent scars on my face and neck from my skin cancer surgery on January 19th.  Fortunately the pain is about 97% gone. My chin itself is still really numb though. I can’t feel anything from my bottom lip to the bottom of my chin. Its weird. I feel like I’m wrapped in duct tape and  Andy Roddick could probably hit tennis balls off my chin and I wouldn’t even feel them.

I did get my stitches out early last week. Under all the bandages, I was like totally convinced Dr. Mohammed would probably be snipping stitches for like 10 to 15 minutes, you know since I could barely open my mouth and have now lost 10 pounds (yay!). But all he did was go “snip…snip…snip“. DONE. Three fucking stitches. I was astounded because I still couldn’t open my mouth and I still felt like a rhinoceros was sitting on my face…but not in a fun way.  Yes, I realize there must be those kind of stitches that dissolve on their own, but still, I had been looking forward to some kind of instant physical relief. 

The doctor then handed me a mirror. I really wasn’t sure what to expect…A huge horror movie gash down my chin and a Zodiac Killer slash across my neck? Yeah, that was about right. Plus there was also this really odd little pea sized bump just under my chin. So I innocently asked and it really was a legitimate question: “Will this little bump ever go away?”

His reply? Well, I should probably go back and re-introduce the guy. I have never mentioned our conversation right before my surgery. Oh, it was a knee-slapper. He had come into my little cubical with his clipboard, all official and stuff. You, of course, always want the doctor to be on your side, especially if they’re about to 1) take cancer out of your body and 2) be cutting your moneymaker  stunningly adorable 50 year old face. So I rather charmingly recounted a conversation I had had with a woman who had gone to him for some plastic surgery and had been very happy with his work.  Without looking up, he said, “I pay people to say things like that” and then went back to writing. 

WTF? Now I realize you’re reading someone’s blog who’s like the biggest smart ass in the universe. But for some reason, whether it was the IV feeding me hyper sensitive feelings glucose or what, but at that particular moment, I felt very…distressed by his tart remark.

God damnit! I KNOW I’M SARCASTIC EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE….but you don’t say that to a patient who’s scared out of their gourd and doesn’t have anyone there to hold their hand.

So anyways, as I was looking at my “Friday the 13th- the Aftermath” face in the hand mirror, I simply asked him if he thought the little lump under my chin would go down in time….a legitimate question if you ask me. I wasn’t being critical. It wasn’t like I started screaming  and running around smashing bottles of Botox in his office or anything. So he slowly turns to me and says, “People pay me to have chins like that.”

Oh.

Anyways, after my appointment, my friend “J” took me out for lunch at a local foo-foo yuppie pastry shop. I was fairly successful at slurping some French Onion soup sideways off a small spoon. But then  I started noticing was how everyone (a.k.a. “The Beautiful People” as my brother used to call the people who frequented this place) were all suddenly staring at me. I’m sure there was a lot of “Who is that hideously scarred girl slurping her soup sideways and why is  she making us look at her whilst we’re typing on our cute little pink iMacs and drink lattes”. Although I’m fairly certain that maybe a few of the older women were probably going, “Gee, I haven’t been to Dr. Mohammed for a while. Maybe I better call his secretary for an appointment”.

Nevertheless, I felt very conspicuous, especially when I was not even aware that droplets of soup were streaming down my numbed chin in rivulets and I looked like Patty Duke in “The Miracle Worker.  I later went with “J” over to Target and while he shopped for clothes, I inexplicably tried on teenaged boy fedoras. “J” said I looked like a Black Irish Gangsta. For some reason that made me feel a little better about my scars. Or at least menacing enough to make a yuppie drop their iPhone and have it smash into a million pieces in the home furnishing department.

Since then, I’ve had two people ask me if I slipped and fell on the ice. And I’ve had three people look at me rather sorrowfully and ask, “Will you be able to get plastic surgery to (cringe) fix that?”

Very….

Very….

Doubtful…..but thanks! 🙂

Of course after a two week hiatus from my art class, I was finally able to return to my class this week and I have no idea what Charlemagne announced to the class. Not that I wanted anything announced, but evidently something was said since some people I know looked at me like I had a terminal disease or something . Oy!

It was just good to have some social contact. I’ve been really isolated during this whole thing and isolation=depression for me. And also thinking I look hideous=depression too.  So I’ve been struggling mightily.

And did I mention I met a guy on sMatch.com? Why not add stress to your life when you’re healing from cancer. I didn’t mean for that to come out that way. This last month really proved that I could really use a person in my life. My own person, I mean. Sure I managed to convince three friends to  help get me to appointments and surgeries up at the hospital, but the real proof of how alone I felt became quite apparent as I was lying in the O.R. cubical just before the surgery. I looked around at the other three people in the quad waiting for surgery and they all had people with them. Me?  I was just lying there alone with no one. It was really then that it hit home.

So we’ve been writing since right after the surgery. He knows about the surgery and the scars and says he’s willing to wait. He seems very bright and thoughtful. He does have a sense of humor (essential) and he’s Jewish, which is not essential, but I do like Jewish men. I did think a good first date would have been  to go see that new movie “He’s Just Not That  into You” this weekend. HA! Oh, witty, you’re such a kidder!!  But we haven’t quite got things together to go out yet. So we’ll see. There’s always this coming Thursday when I hit my 51st birthday and then I’ll be even  older and MORE scary looking. Woo hoo!

Thanks again to Stepfie for caring about my love life. And also thanks to Xat for the lovely hand-knitted hat she sent over the weekend. I lost my beloved beret about 3 weeks again and have had a cold head ever since.

Advertisements

33 Responses to “gangsta scarface chin girl”

  1. artgnome Says:

    That is a lovely hat! And you still look wonderful to me. I’m sorry that you have had to go through so much alone. I have my fingers crossed and am hoping good things for the jewish guy!

  2. azzweepay Says:

    Somehow I never thought of you as jewish.
    I would think the redness will eventually dissipate. Are you able to eat anything now or do you have restrictions? This might be a perfect time to start hitting all the bbq places you’ve always wanted to go to. By the time you’re sick to death of them your chin will be back to normal. And until that time it’ll be covered in bbq sauce. Head up, chin out and full speed ahead, A.W.K.!

  3. Pam Says:

    I heart that hat. And I’m sorry you’ve had to go through so much without someone holding your hand too – I know having people out in cyberland cheering you on and thinking of you just isn’t the same. But spring is coming, you’re talking to someone who actually sounds like he’s not an asshat, and you are a tough chick who just made it through some really yucky shit with her sense of humor intact. Big hugs.

  4. LA Says:

    That pretty face is complimented by the nice hat. And it is still a pretty face. With eyes like yours who notices a chin anyhow? However if your survivor’s marks are truly getting you down, you might want to invest in a good story about how you got them. Cherokee knife fight. Duel with a crazed Austrian nobleman. Attacked by a crocodile with a bad manicure. Something to really make ’em think.

    I’m still so relieved you’re here with us and cancer-free!!! Thanks for the birthday love. I’m sending it back to you with a big hug. ~LA

  5. FuzzyGrey Says:

    Hah! He’s not all bad. I’ve learned that not everyone has to like me. And that is a really great picture of you!

  6. Kathy Says:

    Echoing what everyone else said, nice hat! and you look good in the picture! Keeping you in my thoughts… Remember, scars fade. The scar on my neck from last year’s surgery was pretty red for a while, but now has faded to almost nothing. Don’t forget the sunscreen, they say it makes all the difference.

  7. warcrygirl Says:

    I just don’t understand why people can be so insensitive. I mean, be mean to the people who are asking for it, not the ones in recovery. I bow down to Xat’s mad knitting skilz. You sound like you’re on you way back to your beautiful, snarky self. Hope the other 3% of your pain disappears soon!

  8. Poolagirl Says:

    Your hat is marve! And LA is right. Make up some lovely tale until those scars fade. Rescuing kittens from Ninjas might be good. And……happy Almost Birthday!

  9. Poolagirl (again) Says:

    I can probably send you a candy bucket to compliment your hat…if you wanna.

  10. freshhell Says:

    Another vote for the hate and yes, a good tale explaining your wounds is in order. Something that will shut people up fast. Because really, its none of anyone’s business. Except mine, of course.

  11. freshhell Says:

    I meant “hat” not “hate”. Hmmm, wonder where that came from?

  12. stepfordtart Says:

    Is that your scar I can see in the photo? Its not nearly as bad as you think. Really. And as for people gawping – Im sure you would have done the same, even if only in a ‘mild curiosity’ sort of way. You’re still gorgeous. Cant guarantee card will reach you by birthday-day, but will deffo send one anyway! s x

  13. DanjerusKurves Says:

    The next time somebody asks if you can get surgery to “fix that”, how about responding “I dunno, can you get surgery to fix your habit of making rude comments”? … anyway, trust me, the redness *will* fade in time.

  14. Rosie again Says:

    Hugs to you, and I am sorry that you had to go it alone…never any fun. And I’m with Stepfie, the scar isn’t as bad you you may think it is, and you look adorable in your new hat! And Captain Poolie is right, a good story about how you acquired the scar is in order…I’d change it for each listener!

  15. Holly Says:

    I second that emotion, from what I can see in the picture it doesn’t look to bad. Of course it isn’t my face, and it’s different when you are the one living with it. I might think differently if it were on my face, but honestly I think you still look AB FAB. I love the hat, tres cool!!

  16. zucchini breath Says:

    When I had my cyst removed (five stitches) the PS told me that the scar would be gone in a year. He advised that I keep lotion or oil on it and that it would help to break up the “lumpy spots” by massaging it while reading or watching television. It’s been a little over a year and the scar is barely noticeable. Chin up, as it were!

    Love, JJ

  17. scotvalkyrie Says:

    I was thinking about you, my zaftig lass, and I’m glad to hear you’re healing well. I second the notion of massaging lotion or oil into your scar and bump. If you have skin like me, you may have a “keloid” kind of scar which is slightly bumpy, but it will go down in time. I promise. I am the whitest of whitebread and my throat scar has all but disappeared. However, do not use Neosporin on your scar. You will develop a kind of “Neosporin allergy” after time. Vaseline works quite well, as does A&D or desitin ointment. The numbness will mostly go away too. It depends on the amount of scar tissue you grow underneath the scar. Take car, love! xxxoooxxx

  18. xat Says:

    File me in with the make-up-a-new-and-fabulous story contingent. I’ve always been fond of the “everything was fine until the Uzi went off and the whores stampeded…” storyline.

    (heart)

  19. Violet Says:

    Love your hat, and you, Miss.

    A friend of mine has a scar, and she tells people it happened during a bar fight, when her opponent’s glass eye hit her. It adds a lot to her mystique.

    XOX

  20. zucchini breath Says:

    I like “the uzi went off and the whores stampeded” When i first read it I read it as “whores exploded” and it was even better.

    And, yeah, rude comments. I can’t begin to tell you how many people have said to me “what happened to your face?”
    I usually reply with, “you have to be more specific, honey. There is a lot going on here”

    Sigh. they wonder why i want to stay at home.

  21. elizabeth Says:

    I’m glad you’re healing. If there is anything I could do for you, please let me know. I don’t know where u are but I wish I could’ve taken you to your surgery. Keep on keepin on, girl!

  22. geekbetty Says:

    omgd I was gone for three months and you get surgery done. I’m glad to hear you are healing though. Hope all else is well. ohhhh miss witty how I missed your words and art!!!

  23. For-Tart Says:

    I had a skin cancer removed from my face 14 years ago. In that time only one person has asked what caused the scar. But I would have a tall tale at the ready. Maybe a cautionary tale about not mixing Viagra and blow jobs?

  24. LA Says:

    Happy Birthday, Sweetie!!! ~LA

  25. Andria Says:

    I knew that hat was a handknit! I told you – you should tell people you got the scar in a bar fight. People will totally think you’re a badass.

    happy birthday, lady!

  26. scotvalkyrie Says:

    You could say you got the scar while grappling with Dick Cheney.

  27. freshhell Says:

    Yeah! And then say, “You should see Cheney! I put that m.f. in a wheelchair!”

  28. crankygirl Says:

    Happy b-day belatedly and I love that hat. It’s a lovely photo. Hope the date is a success!

  29. Seacreature Says:

    Hi there, poopsies. You look adorable in that awesome hat. I’m so happy that you’ve got another date lined up! Oh wait…that probably already happened by now. I’m sure it went well. You’re such an awesome person and someone is BOUND to discover and relish you for all great that you are. Those insensitive cunts (that DOCTOR, holy FUCK on a stick!!!) can go to hell, they’re not worth your precious time. As usual, I’m late to the party, but lots of hugs and well wishes to you.

  30. awittykitty Says:

    Thanks for all your kind comments and birthday wishes. Its been a difficult couple of weeks, but your notes have really helped. You da best!

  31. Wyatt Says:

    I do read you occasionally (read Stepfie more) but you now have my curiosity. I saw one partial pic of you before and thought you were beautiful. Same for the pic in the hat.

    Scars. I’ve seen many women with scars and they did not diminish the beauty of the woman. That seems to shine through. I do understand your concern, but project your confidence and you will get through it. People gape at times and who knows why. I used to want to stare at a woman at work who was beautiful, but who had scars. Lots of scars from an auto accident. I have to say, she would have been beautiful scars or not and I would want to stare, scars or not. I am sure you are still beautiful. Cheers!

  32. Kungfukitten Says:

    Was he being sarcastic because he’s going to make you look fabulous and you just need some initial healing time? I think expecting to get you to looking back to yourself sans the mole and with a pretty chin and minimal scarring or working on getting to no scarring is a reasonable expectation. Ask him if it’s is. And if it’s not then whey not?

  33. Kungfukitten Says:

    I still think you’re absolutely lovely.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: