kinda like SCRUBS except no musical numbers

Okay, I didn’t quite look like this this morning, but close. The hair, yes. I’m currently sporting Edward Scissorhands hair. Its called not being able to wash your hair for 4 days and looking in the mirror this morning and seeing….well, this.

And the chin? Well, this is a kind representation actually. I have stitches from my bottom lip (which is apparently stitched into my jaw somehow, because I can’t open my mouth wider than about 1/12″ of an inch, making it difficult to eat, but yay, this configuration has  apparently helped me to create the new “Lips Stapled Shut Diet” which I plan to take on Oprah’s Show shortly since I’ve already lost 5 pounds in 4 days).

Anyways, the stitches continue down my chin and wrap around the side of my neck. Of course, I’m just assuming this, since everything is heavily bandaged and I am slung up in the ultra cool blue Chin Bra(c) where you can  hide your contraband cocaine packets slide in bags of ice. I suspect they’ll be all the rage in the upcoming Oscar Show. That’s just how cool they look.

Its funny, no matter how much you prepare for something, you really can’t prepare for surgery.  I mean you may think I’m a flaky, shiftless dingbat artist who has skeletons dipped in glitter hanging over the sink or something. But in reality, I did a great deal of planning before I went in for my operation. I live alone. I don’t have many friends. My mother is getting a little too old to depend on anymore. So I needed to get all the shopping and cleaning done. Yes….I even cleaned BEHIND the cat box.

I also needed someone I could absolutely and totally depend on for transport to the hospital. It was a 6:30 a.m. call after all. I went for a totally unexpected choice. “A”. I know….WTF? Where did he come from? I stopped seeing him as my therapist last July. I won’t get into the particulars, but I knew if he said he’d be here, he would. And he was. It was weird getting into his car after not seeing him for 6 months though. Awkward. I barely remember the ride there.

He stayed with me until I went into the ER room. I think perhaps I finally warmed up to him again, because I was soon babbling on and on about wanting Zach Braff from “Scrubs” to do my operation.

I know, there is no explanation for that.

Once they got the IV in, it was time to get RADIOACTIVE again (injection of dye to locate cancer). I’m actually a card-carrying radioactive person now. If I travel ( ha, as if) I have to notify security personnel and law enforcement agencies of the origins of the detectable radiation emanating from my total awesomeness.

SCORE!

Anyways, the guy in the Radioactive Lab was about as close to Zach Braff as I got on Monday. He was really cute and I joked around with him, because that’s what I do when I’m nervous. He even held my hand when they injected my poor chin with 8 needles.

I have to laugh…they give you four shots of lidocaine which supposedly blunts the pain of the “real” needles, but they did absolutely nothing, so it was just 8 sharp-ass needles in my chin. Yay!

I think, possibly the next thing that happened, was that I was kidnapped by aliens, because one minute it was 10:45 a.m. and I was laying wide awake waiting for them to come get me for the operating room and then suddenly I was in a totally different place  at 3:20 p.m. with some woman telling me to take deep breaths. 

Whaa.a.t???  That was freakin’ weird.

Fortunately, “A” DID come back and take me home. I think perhaps I was once again talking endlessly about not being able to participate in a “SCRUBS” musical number. I was also noticing how difficult it was to talk (having quickly noticed that my mouth was now partially sewn shut) and how I was slurring my words because of some truly bad ass hydrocodone pain pills.

The last couple of days have been extremely painful though. Sore throat from the air pipe down my throat evidently in the operation. The vice-like grip of all the stitches that encompass my chin and neck area. The especially irritating stitch in the bottom of my lip which is making it red and sore and swollen, also reminding me that it is attached INSIDE making opening my mouth nearly impossible. Extreme fatigue. Oh and trying to find new ways to eat soft food and stick straws in my mouth sideways. I’m like totally awesome right now.

My art friend JS did take me up the hill for a second appointment on Wednesday.  He had called to see how I was Tuesday and then offered his services. I was able to get some of the bandages changed. The doctor said to stop taking the heavy duty pain pills. She also told me I was cancer-free, which I guess was the whole point of this, I suppose.

I have one more appointment next Tuesday to get the stitches out. I mean, I’m sure I’ll have more appointments, since this is a cancer-related thing. I’ll be really glad to get all these freakin’ stitches out. And if nothing else, this whole thing has taught me one thing. You really know who your friends are during a crisis.

Thanks “A” and “JS”.

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26 Responses to “kinda like SCRUBS except no musical numbers”

  1. Poolagirl Says:

    You are certainly right about that! Glad it all went well. You will be back to your old tricks in no time!

  2. xat Says:

    Thank goodness!

    I am sorry that you’re in pain, but really happy (I just did a truncated, yet torrid, version of the happy dance) that you’re on the other side of the surgery. Way to go, cancer-free woman!

    Heart, hugs, and a couple of purrs from each of the cats.

  3. Zucchini Breath Says:

    Cancer free ROCKS!! Sleep, my lovely, wonderful, drink water (with a straw) and sleep

  4. crankygirl Says:

    I’m really glad that you had someone to drive you and pick you hope. Hope that you feel better soon!

  5. freshhell Says:

    Yuck – sorry about the pain. Sounds awful. But, it’s good to know that you are cancer-free now! I say you need a lot of milkshakes – as long as you don’t add brain freeze to your symptoms.

  6. artgnome Says:

    Zach Braff…mmmmm. Good choice. Good news on your surgery. If I was closer, I def would have taken you there and picked you and checked on you and such. Hopefully, I will be able to squeeze some kind of visit down to see you when you are feeling better!

  7. Char Says:

    Delurking to send best wishes your way. Hope you feel better soon. Cancer free is a good way to be. Glad it’s over with and wishing you a speedy recovery.

  8. Anna Says:

    So glad it’s gone, dear witty, and hope everything mends really quickly. Nekkid drawing here we come…happy sigh… xxx ps Is it still cold in April?

  9. Violet Says:

    Lots of love to you, miss–I think you’re brave for going through all this, and I wish you quick healing. XOX

  10. Anne Says:

    Hey girl! :p I’m sticking out the tongue for you, since you don’t appear to be in a position to try!

    Here’s to cancer free, good drugs and speedy recovery!

  11. Raevyn Says:

    Being 5 weeks post hysterectomy, I can certainly identify with the alien kidnaping, except apparently my kidnappers apparently overfilled my bladder and wouldn’t let me go to the bathroom, because my first awareness was bawling because I just KNEW I was about to wet the bed, despite the catheter!
    At least you’ve gotten past the scary part, and now the healing can begin.

  12. Bornearly Says:

    Congratulations, quick mending, and may life be back to normal soon!

  13. LA Says:

    Cancer-free!!!! Best ‘YAY!’ moment of 2009 so far! Sooooo happy for you, sweetie. Sorry about the Frankensteining of your face for the duration but…..CANCER-FREEEEEEE!!!! YAY! ~LA

  14. scotvalkyrie Says:

    Well, you know that when they give you general anaesthesia, they also give you somthing to make you forget as well, and that’s when they string you like a marionette and make you do the cha cha with a blowup doll in the OR. A blowup doll with Zach Braff’s face. But with a baboon’s butt, unfortunately. I’ll raise a cup of protein drink to you, cancer free lady!

  15. Kungfukitten Says:

    Cancer free! The two best words to hear. Hang in there. If you’re worried about a scar ask the plastic surgeon, that’s a lot of what they do. Xoxo

  16. Kat Says:

    Such good news! I’ve been wondering how it went and checked your blog frequently for an update. Thanks for letting us know you are okay.

  17. azzweepay Says:

    Yay on the cancer-free! And maybe the liquid diet will be your new ‘thing’. In which case I’m sure you’ll soon be changing your moniker to “a-sloshy-kitty”.

  18. FuzzyGrey Says:

    Holy crap…what the hell just happened? Glad you’re ok!

  19. Holly Says:

    So happy to hear all was well, if not much fun. I hope your back to your old self real soon. nothing like a bad event to find out who is a true friend. I’m still thinking of you.

  20. karmacat Says:

    Oh, you poor thing. Such an ordeal, but well worth it to be cancer-free. Glad to see you haven’t lost any of your witty. Not sure if I’ll be brave enough to post about my upcoming colonoscopy. Yeah, good times.

  21. boxx Says:

    Happy to hear all went well with your minor surgery. Both my daughter and my husband have had skin cancer and they have survved 20+ years. If anyone SHOULD have skin cancer it is me (major sun worshiper) I suppose my Portuguese, Italian, Spanish, Brazillian, Hawaiian and African heritage has given me a bit of skin cancer protection (naturally brown!) I hear we will be sharing a mutual friend (Anna)

  22. Rosie Says:

    Just getting caught up with everyone, I am so glad to hear that everything went well, that you are cancer-free, and probably best of all, you had a free, unexpected weight-loss!

  23. warcrygirl Says:

    How totally cool; I always wanted a friend who glows in the dark. And dude, comparing yourself to Depp? Just think: another reason for us to think you’re totally hot. Hope you’re as pain free as you are cancer free soon!

  24. Seacreature Says:

    Hi there. You wrote this on the 22nd? Where in the hell have I been? Well, here I am, better late than never. I hope you’re feeling better now that it’s been almost two weeks. I’m so glad you had some real friends to help you during this difficult time. Take care and lotsa hugs to you.

  25. elizabeth ruano Says:

    I hope you’re feeling better.

  26. Anna Says:

    Thanks – I know I’m being ridiculous and it will pass xxxx

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