merry cancermas

Our local television market has this really ghoulish television commercial, which has a series of quick cuts of a doctor repeatedly coming through a door saying, “You have lung cancer”, “You have brain cancer”, “You have pancreatic cancer”, “You have… “ to some poor pale mortified guy sitting on an examining table.

I hate this commercial. I always turn off the sound because I hate hearing the word cancer. And yes, I get the point. Stop smoking. I just don’t happen to smoke and never have, but to hear the word cancer, itself, over and over again is just too chilling. My grandmother died of breast cancer in her early 40’s. My mother had a rather substantial cancer operation this summer of course. And I have been waiting to hear about my skin cancer biopsy for almost 3 weeks now. Its been hard waiting.

We had yet another rather substantial snow storm today. We’ve had almost 60” of snow in the last month. We’re definitely beating you Artgnome. Not that I want to. So I went over to the library across the street this morning. I don’t much like being stuck in my apartment and besides the internet connection and computers are far superior to mine at home.  I was feeling pretty decent. I had gotten a phone call from the yuppie grocery store and evidently won a bag of natural skin care beauty products from a contest over the weekend. Woot! But the weather was so treacherous, I wasn’t about to drive down there.
So I hung out at the library for a couple of hours. Writing. Playing on the computers. Reading Vanity Fair and Art Week.
When I got home I had several messages on my answering machine. A hang-up. The one from the yuppie store. The usual lengthy one from my mom: “I walked here. I did this. The cat meowed. It was snowing out. Gay Elvis sang the theme from “Star Trek”. ” I have repeatedly told her not to leave her 20 minute long messages because I have a very minimal answering machine, but she just doesn’t get it. And it was because of her proclivity to talk about nothing, that the next message from my doctor’s office was cut off.
So I called my doctor’s office immediately. Rather strangely my doctor has another patient with my name, so our files are continually  mixed up. But once I gave my birthdate the receptionist said I’d have to wait to talk to this certain person and she was in seeing a patient. This basically isn’t true. Katie only works in the office. So this made me nervous as I laid on my couch in my darkened living room for the next 25 minutes thinking about  all the absolute worst case scenarios, since that’s what I do. Of course besides the skin cancer biopsy, I had also gone in for a CT scan last Friday because basically I’ve had a two month long headache. 

And people wonder why I’m so damn grumpy.

I’ve even been through two runs of antibiotics with minimal results. And for a while, since my right eye was hurting so much, I actually thought it was my new glasses.

Anyways, the phone finally rang and Katie gave me the news, BANG BANG BANG. Well, my blood test for school is still out, but basically I have a chronic severe sinus infection and….yes, I have skin cancer.

And she really scared the hell out of me. She said she had their insurance specialists calling around to see which local plastic surgeons would take my insurance (uh oh, that could be absolutely nobody), because my doctor said they had to get the cancer out “as soon as possible”and it would probably be in the next week or so. Gulp!

I was standing in my kitchen taking this all in, but not really in an kind of concisive way since when she asked me if I had any questions, I did, but my brain just couldn’t form them cohesively.

After I hung up I started to cry. You really don’t hear SKIN cancer. You just hear cancer. I guess its because I haven’t been feeling that good physically for the last two months with this damn sinusitis, so I wasn’t really thinking of cancer…just blanking it out really.

So I called my mom right afterwards and hoped she wouldn’t interrupt me to talk about the kitty or something. She also has this thing where she doesn’t believe my doctor is a real doctor for some reason. When I was going in for the initial biopsy, she was all…are you sure she can do things like this? This has been going on for a long time. This  “Is she a REAL doctor or a pretend doctor” thing. She’s done that with “A” too. She thinks he’s just some random guy sitting in a room scamming money off people. Not someone who went to school to be a therapist. I get really annoyed with it. So I guess all the pap smears I’ve done with my medical doctor over the last 12 years have really been dates then?

So today when Katie said they were going to contact a local plastic surgeon to get the rest of the cancer out of my chin, my mom absolutely flipped out. She thinks plastic surgeons only do boob jobs. I did Google it tonight and sure enough, plastic surgeons can and do operate on skin cancer. Imagine that! My doctor was right!

So I have no idea what to expect in the next week or so. Since I’ll be seeing my largely fanatically Born Again Christian family for Christmas on Thursday, I’m sure they’ll be happy to say some prayers for me. I probably don’t deserve them since I make fun of Christians. Of course, I make fun of just about everyone. Its called insecurity, man. I wonder if I could find a plastic surgeon to remove that too?


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26 Responses to “merry cancermas”

  1. xat Says:

    Oh honey! That’s so scary. I’m so sorry that you’re having to deal with this.

    You’ll find a doctor, and they’ll take care of the skin cancer and everything will be okay.


  2. Anna Says:

    Oh darling. Love and hugs and hoping for a swift removal of spot and return to health. {{{hugs}}}

  3. artgnome Says:

    never be afraid to give me a call and we can commiserate. I will email you my number if you like. I’m sorry about the sinus trouble, Rochester seems to breed it. I’m saying prayers for you, and hope to be up to visit you after the holiday.

  4. goatbarnwitch Says:

    Damn, this holiday season is going sour for so many people. I hope they told what type of skin cancer it is…. basal cell, squamous cell…. melanoma….it makes a big difference. Anyway, I hope they get a plastic surgeon asap and get you past this…. actually the fact that they even thought of a plastic surgeon for a face lesion is pretty damned good.

    Sinus infections are definitely one of the more ghastly levels of hell….

  5. beanie Says:

    I’m sure it’s scary, but hang in there….

  6. Captain Poolie Says:

    Oh my gosh! I wish there was something I could do for you! My boss just went through what you are facing, and the plastic surgeon did such a great job that you can barely see the scar – and it’s been about three weeks. I know you will do just great with this. It sounds like you are in good hands. (((hugs)))

  7. zucchini breath Says:

    No worries
    They will snip that little thing out and give you some cream and it will be like it never happened real soon.
    Now the sinus infection, that is another story. Those things are a bitch.
    At least you know what is causing the headache and you can take steps to clear it.

    Take care,


  8. LA Says:

    Oh gosh, sweetie, that’s so scary. Good medicine and docs will get things straightened out, I’m certain, but in the meantime it’s difficult. So accept another of those weird cyber hugs. ((((HUG))) ~LA

  9. crankygirl Says:

    That is SCARY, but great that they can find it and fix it fast. By your b-day, you’ll be as good as new.

  10. DanjerusKurves Says:

    It’s also fun when your birth sign is called Cancer. I hope all is taken care of in short . . .

  11. stepfordtart Says:

    Most of these things are easily fixed – my dad and a couple of boyfriends have had bits removed and all come back fine. Its all those days of holidaying, lazing in the sun at Cap Ferrat, y’know. You’ll have to stop that jet-set lifestyle now. seriously tho, I am glad they’re dealing with it jolly fast and will keep you in my thoughts. Lots of love s x

  12. Pam Says:

    Big hugs and lots of good thoughts. You’re going to come through this just fine, sweetie.

  13. Ben Says:

    CANCER IS A WORD, NOT A SENTENCE is the best thing someone told me.

    It is also the title of a book written by a Toronto doctor, Robert Buckman,

    Good luck

  14. witty Says:

    thanks for all your kind comments. I’m seeing the plastic surgeon next Tuesday for a consult. I still wish he could do a little liposuction under my chin though. Boo!

  15. Anna Says:

    My ideal Christmas right now would be to pop round to yours, turn off my phone and sit in front of the telly making snitty remarks about all the rich fuckers and their shitty little lives. You do have a telly, don’t you? xx

  16. kittiefan17 Says:

    i’m so sorry to hear that, witty. But hang in there…though I know you will, so what’s the point of me saying that? I will be sending positive vibes your way.

  17. Kungfukitten Says:

    You’re going to be all right. Plastic surgeons do this stuff all the time. They’re just going to make a bigger hole in your chin and then sew it up so it looks pretty and won’t leave a scar. Your insurance probably won’t pay for the lipo but I’d ask the doctor about it anyway. 😉 I’m going to need to get my jowls all sucked out someday.

  18. Marn, eh Says:

    A few years ago they took away a big hunk o’ my nose thanks to basal cell skin cancer. The plastic surgeon did an amazing job–you have to look very closely to see the scar. No recurrences, touch wood.

    It sounds as if your doctor is really on the ball and working hard on your behalf. It’s scary, for sure, but you’ve got a doctor who really cares, and that’s the big thing. {{{{Hug}}}

  19. kittiefan17 Says:

    P.S. Hours after reading this entry, I saw that commercial you mentioned on tv. It really did creep me out too…especially considering that I myself am a smoker.

  20. diana Says:

    hope you get better C:

  21. scotvalkyrie Says:

    I’m glad you’re getting a consult so quickly. I hope that the procedure will also be done as quickly. Here’s hoping everything will be okay, and maybe the surgeon will be cute, single, and straight! (and being a guy wouldn’t hurt, either! hee hee) Merry Messy Kweznuz to you kitty!

  22. Holly Says:

    Oh no!! I will definately keep you in my prayers. That has to be scary as hell. I hope the surgeons are able to take care of it and fix you up good as new. It sounds like they were lucky enough to catch it early.

  23. azzweepay Says:

    Hopefully the plastic surgeon is, and the Christmas was, painless.

  24. warcrygirl Says:

    Well damn, since I’m so late commenting and can’t add anything new I’ll just echo the sentiments above. I’ve never seen that commercial but I have been watching tons of House, does that count? I’m definitely keeping you in my thoughts and yes, my prayers. 😉

  25. pantrypuff Says:

    It’s probably so hard not to freak (and you should probably freak out a little, I’d probably be in total denial, as is my way). But I think everyone else here has said what I think: you’ll be OK, glad you caught it, etc…

    Sending positive vibes your way…

  26. crankygirl Says:

    Happy New Year, Witty. Hope you have a great 2009.

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