I had the first of my four art shows in October last night. It was the Goth/Zombie/Big Boobed Women/Robots one at a local bar, you know, the one that I totally fit into….Not. But when you’re an artist, you never feel like you fit in anywhere and feel appropriately angsty and then go anyways.
I picked up “L” the Hippie Chick about 1 and we brought our stuff downtown. I am now totally paranoid about parking on our city streets because I have gotten two parking tickets in the last month, after never getting one for the last 18 years.
I am fighting the first one since it was a freak of nature. I had put the parking receipt on my dashboard…like I was supposed to. And while my friend and I were in a bakery, evidently a gust of wind from an open window, swooshed the tag across the dashboard and it was now face down. The damn car windows were open. The doors were unlocked. The meter maid could have easily just flipped over ticket to see that everything was in order, but no. A $25 ticket! So I’ve been fighting it, including photos from several angles, witness statements from my friend, a weather report from the National Weather Service telling about wind gusts up to 25 mph that afternoon and even an e-mail from Wayne the Weather Guy at our local TV station regarding the weather conditions that day. A little OCD?
Anyways, so we got to the Pub and it was most of the usual suspects except for some young girl who was uber excited to be wielding an electric drill and making sexual innuendo jokes, which I have to admit were pretty damn funny. Naturally all the guys were guffawing. There was also another woman, who I didn’t know, who told me I would be meeting her “alter ego” that night. Ummm, ok.
I hung around most of the afternoon, listening to 1980’s punk rock music and watching people bring in art. My favorite little Goth Twin and her sister came in. It was nice to see her. She’s down in Brooklyn now going to art school in NYC and is really blossoming creatively. I felt pretty tired and achy though. Have been under the weather most of the week, fighting off some kind of mad cow disease thing. I finally left about 4 and came home and crashed with Guardcat on my bed. I was totally exhausted.
At around 6 I kind of half-heartedly made dinner. I was starting to have doubts whether I had enough stamina or energy to drive back to town to an art show which 1) had really loud music, 2) had humans who might expect me to talk to them and 3) had heavy cigarette and cigar smoke, since it was billed as a Smoker event. Smoking is against the law in public venues in NY, but for this event, they let it slide.
Finally at the last moment though, I pulled on my tightest jeans, lowest cut sweater and put on some very dark blue eye shadow, something I normally never wear, but since I had dark circles under my eyes, why not balance it out, right?
Naturally I had to circle the damn place about 59 times. Its really busy downtown on Saturday night. Plus I was still fearful that some rogue meter maid might be lurking about, ready to write me a parking ticket because the Moon was in Scorpio or something.
It was still pretty empty when I got there, but I talked to a few people and scoped out a safe spot on one of the 2 small couches. “L” and her friend “E” finally arrived so at least I didn’t feel like a total social outcast. And even though I didn’t know her and she had far too much bronze colored eye shadow and lipstick on, suddenly I was pouring out the whole Married Guy saga to her. Ack. Not sure why that happened.
No therapy appointments since July, witty? Maybeeeeeeeeee.
The place finally started to get crowded around 9. You know, like with the woman who had told me I would be meeting her alter ego and then appeared looking like a Goth Martian. And of course, lots of guys with mohawks and skull shirts. And geeky nerds, who were actually cool because of their geeky nerdiness. I, of course, just sat on the couch, looking at the Z0mbie Surviver’s Guide, hoping to survive the cigarette smoke.
The music finally started at 10, I think. I could barely see the stage for all the smoke. It was thick. I was sitting next to this kid with this really fierce mohawk, piercings and camoflauge pants who was smoking. To look at him you might be a little scared. He looked like a total bad ass. But he was insanely polite. He apologized for the smoking several times, made sure he wasn’t blocking my view of the stage, and even asked how I was doing. That was better than my last sMatch.com date!!
I only stayed for the first act however, since I nearly went into a panic attack because I couldn’t breathe with all the cigarette smoke. The singer was really good though. He had songs about The Jerry Springer Show and whether Jesus has a guitar and the funniest one, “P0rn” (“P0rn is good, p0rn is great, p0rn doesn’t even make you wait.”) He even sent one song out to all the people with restless leg syndrome and everyone on our couch leaned back and started madly shaking our legs in the air.
Oy. I’m too old for this. But it was funny.
I did wait until the guy’s set was over before I went to get my purse. I then went back to say good-bye to “L” and her friend. “E” had been looking at the photo books from past Goth Art show events and had spotted my painting from last Spring. It was the one with a female devil sitting in her easy chair watching George Bush on TV with a nuclear explosion happening outside the window. She loved it and asked me if it was for sale and how much. As usual, I kind of fumbled. Ummm, ehhh, umm. And then she said she was going down to Virginia and would be back in November and we could talk then.
Strangely, that is not even a painting I ever saw anybody wanting. I painted it solely for the Goth Show. But ok.
Anyways, once I said my goodbyes, I attempted to push my way through the crowd towards the door and fresh air, hallelujah jesus! But suddenly I had someone tell me that someone was interested in my zombie photo. The Sci Fi Guy had originally told me that when I came in but I just sort of sluffed it off, like oh sure, yeah, ha ha ha! He had been really busy, so I didn’t get who it was and whether he was even still there. But then there was that second person telling me.
So suddenly Sci Fi Guy appears with this big huge, hulking guy with a sleeveless torn punk rock shirt and blonde scruffy hair, about 50. No. Not.my.type. But he was absolutely effusive about my photo, saying it was the best piece in the show and he should know since he’s from L.A. (ha!). And that he was convinced that it was Patti Smith, a punk rocker from the 70’s, but how would I know since I was too young to remember. Ha! I guess the smoke was thick in there! So I finally just gave him the bad news that no, it wasn’t Patti Smith, but just me and some Photoshop. But fortunately that didn’t seem to impede his interest in the photo.
He then started asking that now dreaded question….”How much do you want for that?” By then a friend from MySpace was standing there watching this all unfold. I had told her about the photo at the Hippie Festival two weeks ago and she had wanted to see it. So she decided to step in and be my agent and said “$200 and I get 50% commission!” and laughed. I blanched. $200! Yikes! No, no! So I blurted out the far more reasonable $20…$25. He looked at me funny, like don’t go higher, you said $20, and then pulled out a $20 bill and gave it to me and bought the photo.
WTF?? Am I being punked? Is Ashton Kutcher gonna come out from behind the door, laughing his ass off? So I just stuffed the twenty into my pant pocket and took him over to Sci Fi Guy and told him that the piece had been sold, so he wouldn’t think the guy was ripping it off. I then shook his hand and he asked if I had any other work anywhere.
I told him about my current show at the little community gallery (who is still advertising the last show which has now been closed over a month! Grrrr!). I then gave him one of my business cards and just hope he’s not a serial killer since it has my address on it.
Driving home I was like totally high from that ridiculous $20 sale. I was actually laughing in my car at every stoplight…like sucka! I don’t do that for all my art sales. Just the ones that I run off my ink jet printer and put in a Dollar Store frame.
P.S. My job interview went really well. Whether I get hired remains to be seen.
P.S.S. I suppose you want to see the Zombie photo, huh? Its really strange….but then again, consider the source. A person who is slowly discovering that they are an artist and that its ok to be weird.
New Match.com photo?