My aura is grunge

The week before my birthday was awesome. I was wrapped in the warmth and love of my friends. The weeks since…total darkness. I always get this mid-February depression thing. I’ve been in my apartment almost the whole week. Except when I went to the Food Stamp office midweek and witnessed some woman bitch-slapping her little kid with a fist. Nice, huh? No body did anything of course. We were all too busy listening to some other woman freaking out in the stairwell screaming “Motherfucker — red…motherfucker – blue….motherfucker-orange” . Not sure what she was getting at. “Sesame Street – The Ghetto Edition — Learn Your Colors Motherfucker”?

And then the guy behind me started bitching that some women up at the counter had cut ahead of him. He was yelling in my ear. He then started yelling at me to “DO SOMETHING“. Like me, the only white woman in the middle of 400 “culturally diverse people” could step in. Dude, I forgot my hand gun!  What makes you think I could possibly get off a few warning shots into the ceiling, before getting my ass kicked?

I did go my Wednesday night art class. My oasis. The place where they talk to me like I’m normal (i.e., not bipolar or poor) and I was able to toss off a decent drawing of one of my favorite models.


Thursday and Friday…more couch time in my apartment  in my pajamas. No human contact except phone calls from my mother talking about her grave site and imminent death.

I finally decided I had had enough. I had been watching these commercials on TV for a “Psychic Fair” at the local Holiday Inn Hotel, so  I decided to just go, dammit. Sure, its flaky, but hey, I grew up 15 miles north of Haight and Ashbury in the 60’s and 70’s. I used to do astrology charts. I believe the moon and nature have magical powers. Why not?

And also I’m always looking for answers. Why do you think I’ve been in therapy so long? I’m not there for therapy. I’m there for answers! I also unfortunately bug the heck out of my friends for answers, like why do you think this person did that? Etc. I guess it comes from growing up with a mother who only talked about herself and never did anything to help me be a complete person.

So I headed over to the Holiday Inn, sort of with kind a half sneer (ha, what a bunch of loonies) and a half glimmer of hope. The old guy taking the money at the front counter was pretty weird. Bolo tie (oh witty, you know you used to wear them in the 70’s!) and humming WHILE he was talking. Was he getting some vibe off me? 

….you will strip naked at the yuppie grocery store and jump up on the natural food display and sing “Yanni, How I love Ya, how I love Ya, My Dear ol’ Yanni!”

But no message was forthcoming. He just stamped a small face of an space alien on my hand and I went it. It was jammed… with mostly women. I really had no idea how or where to start. I knew I wanted to get a reading though. I had gotten over $100 for my birthday and had been really strict with myself. No gifties!!!! But I had decided that I was going to “let” myself do this. Sure Food Stamps had just completely cut off my food stamps this last week and its still up in the air whether I’ll get them, but dammit I wanted some answers. My life is really stagnant right now. I need to know what to do.

So I started to walk around and look at the various psychics and clairvoyants (“Jennifer: You have Uranus in your twelfth house” Why did that make me laugh like a 10 year old boy?) and reiki people and people dangling crystals over feet and my personal favorite the “Aura Photo – $20!” booth. My camera does that too. The swooshy, flare thing off the edge of the image? Its usually means your camera batteries are low, people! 

Anyways, I was shocked at how expensive the readings were. $35-40 for 15 minutes. $70 for 30 minutes. Gulp! I sure wasn’t expecting it to be that much! I only had about $28 in my pocket…the last of my birthday money. I finally found an inner circle of (ahem) cut-rate psychics for only $25. One guy just looked plain scary, like a serial killer. Another one looked like my mother. No thanks. I finally got it down to a hippie chick and an African American woman. I took the African American woman. She had a raven sitting on her table. I liked ravens. And her name was “Ravin”.  And I also kept thinking of Whoopi Goldberg in “Ghost” since she was sort of dressed like her in crushed purple velvet and lots of jewelry. So I set my appointment with Ravin…my Intuitive Consultant.

We finally met 25 minutes later. Most of the psychic ladies were holding hands with their people. Not Ravin. She just had me write my name on a piece of paper. She also had a pad of paper for me  to write down her impending thoughts on. I wasn’t sure how to act or interact with her. Didn’t want to give her any info for her to work off of.

Guess what the first words out of her mouth were? “Guarded and has to be in control of every situation.” And oh dear, she did go on and on about that and me liking to be in control of everyone and everything. Can you imagine? Me?

And you better leave some comments, bitches. 


And then her eyes rolled back in her head once again. (She was talking to her guides). And she said there was a lot of black energy around me and that my aura was very smudgy and that it was a grunge aura (I’m definitely copyrighting that name for  like a band) and that I needed to breathe because it was taking all my air and I haven’t been able to function very well recently.

Hallelujah to that, baby!

She finally exited the Grunge Aura room and said that I would soon be the Executor of Knowledge. She kind of chuckled. She liked that title. “Executor of Knowledge”. Had a nice ring to it. All I could think was Executor of a will, considering how my mother’s been lately, but Ravin, in fact, said she saw that I would be teaching children and adults. She didn’t say what though.

Next up, out of no where. “You’re a writer, right?” WTF?? Now that was weird. Maybe it was because I’m Irish and look all depressed and angsty. She did tell me I’d be writing a book sometime soon. I rather think if I’m teaching anyone anything, it might be via a book, since I can’t see myself standing up in front of people pontificating, although I did want to be a music teacher when I was a kid.

She finally finished up by saying I really have to do something about taking care of myself first …AND STOP TRYING TO CONTROL EVERYBODY. All right already. And maybe create a “ME-room” with a lot of plants and music and sounds of gurgling brooks. She also said I needed validation. I started to cry at that point. Validation is a huge thing for me. Never got much growing up, which made me needy as an adult. And needy= No love life or a fucked up one.  Working on that one. thanks.

Anyways, she finally asked if I had any questions. I was a little surprised that the subject of love didn’t come up. Isn’t that what most woman want to know about? She said nothing will happen until I get rid of my grunge aura and dark energy and then the men will “rush towards my light in droves”. Oh my goodness, I guess I better get those traffic signals working then! 


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21 Responses to “My aura is grunge”

  1. Xat Says:

    Question; why *don’t* you write a book about your experiences? Hmmm? There are so many directions from which you could approach it. And, who knows? Maybe writing it all out will give you some answers.

    You write beautifully and well. Your command of language is peerless. You walk the thin ridge between humor and sorrow in a way that doesn’t beg for pity, but illuminates the humor and horror of life.

    Do it. Doooooo it. Doit. Do it. Do it do it do it do it…>) I promise all the encouragement that I can give from across the country. Do it.


    I’d buy it. Totally, absolutely, and without question.

  2. hil Says:

    what xat said-me too!

  3. Pam Says:

    Me third. I know you’ve got a book in you, and your writing style is wonderful … like having an intelligent conversation without all the snooty bullcrap that usually comes with those. And they always say writing is a form of therapy, of looking for those answers, and it may even do something about that Grunge Aura (which I think is kind of cool, by the way)!

  4. Stepfordtart Says:

    Yeh. Me too. But only when its discounted on amazon, obviously. *wink* s x

  5. kittiefan17 Says:

    wow. that sounds really interesting…and creepy. Hey, at least you got a few nice tips on how to feel better. Not bad for $25!!haha…I hope.

  6. Anna Says:

    God yes. All they said (‘cept I’d borrow Stepfie’s copy) and also, that picture is just FABULOUS. I love it. Sending you warmth and friendship in these cold February days x

  7. crankygirl Says:

    Yes, and yes (etc) to all the above. But, DUDE…that’s awfully depressing for $25. I think I’ll stick with the cheesecake rather than psychics–dessert is cheaper and more uplifting. Clean your aura? Maybe when the world is a cleaner place.

  8. Andria Says:

    So men will be rushing toward your light?? Where exactly on the body is that? I’m thinking it’s somewhere near the chest, since all the pervy old dudes at my office are always looking at my boobs. I think Grunge Aura is a good name for a band. It would be really awesome if the music was the opposite of what you would expect from a band with that name – like chamber music, or jazz flute.

  9. LA Says:

    That’s it! I’m going into the psychic biz. Been putting it off forever. But even at $25 a pop it’s more than I make now and I get to be as creepy and/or bossy as I wanna. Thanks, Witty! Perhaps your grungy aura would shine up nicely with a Mr Clean Magic Eraser? They work really really well on just about everything, so why not auras? ~LA

  10. artgnome Says:

    I really like your drawing. The line work contrasting the softer smudged shading is very nice. Also your composition and angle of your model is interesting. Very nice work, Witty.

    Also, whenever you like, I will pray with you for FREE. I don’t use my gifts for profit. It would have been nice of her to give some suggestions on how to clean that aura, or do better self care, or be less controlling.

    A book idea is great, but focus it on one subject so you don’t get overwhelmed with it. Like writing about your drawing class experiences would be good. Write about enough different subjects, and then they can become the chapters of your full book, or a series of smaller books. I know for me that I cannot tackle anything unless I break it down into smaller tasks.

    Many blessings on ya, witty, and may you break out of the rut very soon!

  11. Poolie Says:

    Oh man! We’re in the wrong business, witty!

  12. freshhell Says:

    I hear a memoir. Love the drawing. Perhaps you can illustrate your book as well. All royalties stay with you. That ought to clean a bit of your aura – with the color of money, right?

  13. Natalie Says:

    I think you should teach art classes to all the Jennifer’s in your little town. Just a thought, but it could be totally lucrative too. Or just write a book – I would buy it!

  14. scotvalkyrie Says:

    You know, there are a lot of us who do the NaNoWriMo every November — you whould take a crack at it too! And I love your drawing. Your figure has a lot of attitude and I like it.

  15. Seacreature Says:

    Yea yea! Write a book write a book! New project on the hooriiiizooonnnn…
    The drawing is great, I love it when you post them. Funny that you mention art class is the only place you’re treated like an equal. That’s because you feel the most comfortable there and it shows. All that malarky about carrying yourself – head up, chest out – is true. It has an unconcious effect on people.

  16. Char Says:

    Hi there. I’m a regular reader but a rare commenter. If you wrote a book, I would buy it. I love your writing. You are braver than me, I’ve never been read by a psychic, I’m afraid lol.
    I’ve been tagged to do a meme and asked to tag 3 more people. I pick you! The meme is…list 8 things you have tucked away in a back closet and tag 3 people. I hope you will participate. I’d like to read your answer. Thanks.

  17. GoingLoopy Says:

    Depression blows monkey balls….I’m sorry.

    I like the book idea, and I like the idea of incorporating your artwork. Also, if a whole book seems like too much, have you thought about selling some of your drawings/paintings on Pretty much any sort of art or craft, they have it…and if nothing else, you can kill hours looking at all the cool stuff on there. 😉

    Hopefully the depression will lift a little soon, so you can get out and about. You are a beautiful and intelligent and compassionate person with so much to offer.


  18. warcrygirl Says:

    I can totally see you teaching art to kids. The younger ones are just great, most are eager to learn, open-minded and full of positive energy. You need to incorporate the word ‘anus’ in the name of your band, like “Uranus Grunge Aura”. Hope you’re back up soon, depression does indeed blow monkey balls.

  19. FairyGodMum Says:

    Hugz Witty…. Love the drawing… you have such wonderful creative insite into a persons soul. Your own intuitive nature is more than anyone can tell you, like… not yelling back at the man in the Food Stamp line. That takes great emotional grounding and a good level of common sense.

    Going to a psychic to spend your last Birthday money… hmmm… at least you have $3 left over. Why don’t you go out for a pastry, you’ll be surprised who you might meet at your local coffee shop. And take a pen and pad just to make it look like your busy writing your novel about love and life.

    Someone will stop and ask…. What are you writing? Nice way to meet someone interested yes?

    Visualize a rainbow of light surrounding you, bring in the white light and throw away the dark aura from the psychic. As they have a tendency to see themselves or put their energy on others. You are not that vunerable, give it back…. you don’t need it. OKAY. You got plenty of talent and colorful energy surrounding you and your life. From this moment on, everything will change.

    Hugz n Lub,
    Bebe da FairyGodMum

  20. azzweepay Says:

    I was just here looking to see if you’d written anything new as you left me a comment saying you weren’t writing anything new. How twisted is that?

  21. Kungfukitten Says:

    You should totally call me some night and I’ll give you a free tarot reading. I could do one and type it out but it’d be long and it’s fun to ask little questions along the way and pull an extra card to get an answer.

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