naughty and nice vie for world domination


Guardcat feigning innocence during the recent toilet paper debacle in the bathtub.

Okay, that face may fool a few, but there was absolutely  no remorse whatsoever there for me. It was more of a smug, this is so–so funny, that me, a mere cat, can unroll almost a whole roll of toilet paper before witty could even run in here and do anything about it, kind of vibe.

So don’t think there are going to be any cans of that special Fancy Feast in your hand embroidered kitty stocking, Ms Toilet Paper Desperado.

And then there’s…



Need we say more? Okay, I said Nice, not perfect. I certainly proved that over and over this year, didn’t I? The not perfect part. But I’m finally getting to the point where I’m able to accept not being perfect. Because nobody is perfect, not even Oprah “Here’s a Free Car, Let Me Build You a School, So You’ll Love Me” Winfrey. Am I right? AM I RIGHT???

Next order on the agenda: Not punishing myself endlessly for making mistakes. I’m real big on that one. So we might have to call in the Big Guns for that…Mr Smug King himself….Dr. Phil. Gah! Can you imagine me and Dr. Phil on the same stage? Of course, I’d be the one with the awesome hair.

Anyways, I just wanted to thank everyone for reading. You’re sorta like the extended friends and family I don’t have in real life. I really appreciate the care and attention you give. Its very much appreciated, as in, more than you’ll ever know. And before I start blubbering and saying stupid stuff “You love me, you really love me.” like Sally Field and someone hitting me with a yule log, I should probably stop here. Guardcat would probably like to say something too, but well, you know how indifferent cats are.

Anyways,  have a good holiday season. Try not to kill your relatives in the next week or so, since you’ll probably get caught and they won’t  have dial up service in prison and then how will you know if I get laid in 2008??? Priorities, people!!!


21 Responses to “naughty and nice vie for world domination”

  1. scotvalkyrie Says:

    Keep wearing red! And wearing little lights around your head doesn’t hurt either. That’ll get you some attention. And it’s gonna drive the SUV-yuppie sluts nuts.

  2. Poolie Says:

    Thanks for reading all of us too! You are one of the best, witty. So immensely talented! Have a great holiday.

  3. kittiefan17 Says:

    thanx for the holiday wishes…of course, I wish you a good one as well. …oh, and I still feel really dumb for the last comment I made about the vibrator. I should have known from the picture that it was clearly NOT a vibrator! DUH!

  4. artgnome Says:

    We have naughty cats here too, just waiting to see what they receive for being so. You definitely look smart in your jaunty red hat and I’d hang with you over them SUV-yuppie sluts any day. 🙂

  5. geekbetty Says:

    merry christmas, miss wit.

  6. awittykitty Says:

    Don’t worry Kittyfan. I was just being silly. 🙂 Merry christmas.

  7. Anna Says:

    Merry Christmas witty xx

  8. golfwidow Says:

    There’s always at least one line in your posts that makes me snork out loud. In this one, it was “Can you imagine me and Dr. Phil on the same stage? Of course, I’d be the one with the awesome hair.”

    Keep on rocking me like you rock me.

  9. Maria Says:

    Merry Christmas! I hope Santa fills your stocking with some(one) wonderful!

  10. crankygirl Says:

    I love that photo of you. And Guardcat and my P must be related…I recognized that kittysmirk.

  11. Pam Says:

    Merry Christmas! You’re one of the best out there, and you look awesome in red : ).

  12. Seacreature Says:

    Awww, don’t you look darling in your pretty red hat! What a lovely gift for a lovely lady. I’m so glad our comments are able to help you so much. thank you, too, for writing such a KICK ASS blog. You’re proof that a sense of humor is vital in this fucked up world we live in. Oh that and art. There can never be enough art if you ask me. Well Happy Merry and all that sparkles to you! Let’s make 2008 EVEN BETTER (is it possible??!)than 2007!

  13. Seacreature Says:

    Oh and Happy Merry and all that’s Fluffy and squeaks when you bite into it to little miss Guardcat, too!

  14. Violet Says:

    XOX to you and yours, especially that toilet-paper-unrolling kat.

    We like you! We really like you!

  15. DanjerusKurves Says:

    I just spent about two hours or so rummaging around in your archives. Was it good for you too?

  16. awittykitty Says:

    I feel like I should go out and smoke a cigarette….And I don’t even smoke.

  17. shaded-lily Says:

    You look so cute in your red hat & Xmas lights!!! And no need to thank us for reading; it’s a pleasure. 🙂

  18. adventuresofadramateacher Says:

    Happy New Year!

  19. pantrypuff Says:

    Cats terrify me. You’re the only kitty I can stand. So take that you imperfect cretin!! 🙂

  20. geekbetty Says:

    you’ve been tagged – if you do that sort of thing.

  21. warcrygirl Says:

    What, does GuardCat think toilet paper grows on trees or something? Thank you for writing and for favoriting me at Dland all those years ago. Great, now I just made us both feel old.


    Happy New Year!

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