nothing rhymes with employment

First Place (rhymes with “Carnes and Snowbles”).   Me: “Hi, I put a job application in here last week and I was wondering if there has been any activity on it?” Cut to Clerk and much shuffling of papers on counter: “Our manager has a stack of applications he’s looking at. Please check back later.”

Me: (cheerfully) “Thank you! Oh and tell him witty blank blank was here checking in.” No response from clerk since she had now moved onto something very very important.*

(* officially ignoring me)

Second Place: (rhymes with “Paneras”. Shhh! Don’t tell anyone, that’s the actual name – hee hee hee).

“Hi, I put an application in here last week.”  Twelve year old clerk says, “Oh, like wow, wait a minute, I’ll see if the manager, is like here.” (giggle, giggle, much tossing of hair)

Same guy I talked to last week comes walking over. “Oh hi, I remember you, (probably because I’m the only job applicant who’s old enough to remember Britney Spears BEFORE she started going commando) The Hiring Manager is not here today, but he’s looking through all the applications. Maybe you can call him back tomorrow. Thanks.”

Me: (cheerfully) “Thanks!” (WTF, that is the same sentence he said, verbatim, last week when I was here).

Third Place: (nothing rhymes with “Joann’s”, so fookit, its Joann’s an arts and crafts store where I shop). 

Me: (to clerk) “Hi, I put an application in here last week. Is the manager around? I’d like to see if they’re doing any interviews yet”.  Clerk excuses herself and then comes back with perhaps the most sour looking woman I have ever seen.

Me (suddenly nervous): “Hi, I put an application in last week and I was just following up on it. My name is witty blank-blank” (like that would really ring a bell with Ms. I-just- ate-a-lemon-and-my-face-got-stuck-like-this).  Her: “I’ll have to look at our applications. Follow me.” So I followed her and she asked me which “position” I’d like.


“Oh behave!”

I knew there were like 4-5 different jobs listed on a huge red sign out at the front entrance and that instead of calling  them sales clerks they were called something exquisitely official sounding like Administrative Guest Advisory Staff. I guess that was to make up for lack of pay.  So I was trying to keep up with her as she was power walking towards the back of the store, shouting after her, “Well I’ve worked at Macy’s. I’ve worked at Waldenbooks….” Not that she was really listening. She then had me wait in a small hallway while she went and looked up my application. That lasted all of about 36 seconds. She then came out and said, “I’ve already  talked to some people (who are so NOT you, since I can obviously tell you don’t do scrapbooking) and the positions are all filled. Thank you for your time.”

It was at that point I felt like possibly suggesting, that perhaps they should then take down that large, bright red, six foot tall sign that says “WE’RE HIRING!!!!” in 900 foot tall capital letters, so as not to mislead potential job seekers.  I did mention that I bought all my art supplies there. You know ART supplies, because there are other people who shop there besides people who do scrapbooking and make stuffed kitties out of pieces of string. Not that there’s anything wrong with that stuff.  I mean, after all, who has over 100 decorative rubber stamps and a bunch of sparkly ink pads in a box under her bed?

Meh, she looked like the boss from hell anyways. Maybe its just as well.  

So I guess I will just continue to look, since October is a pretty busy month for me art-wise. I have a one-night Art in Bad Taste show on October 13th at a really divie bar.  There’s smoking, drinking, 3 bands will play, cute artists will be showing art in extremely bad taste. What’s not to love?

And BlueMeany? You and your friends are invited, since I know you’ll be in town that week.  

And then on October 20th, I have another show at the Warehouse where Charlemagne is now a big cheese. Right Charlemagne? The Biggest of the Big Cheeses.

And then on October 26th is a show at my old social service place. I’m now officially done there, but since I’m a member of the mental health community, I can still bring artwork in to show. I’m trying to get ambitious and make a bunch of small collages and put them in Dollar Store frames and sell them for $5-$10. Not sure if I can get my ass in gear quick enough though. Feh. 

And then our art group,  is in the process of firming up our art show location for November. Its going to be in that beauty salon again downtown.

Oh, and a few of you know, but I did get my One Woman Art Show at that place down in the artsy cool part of town. Woot! Yeah, I went and talked to the woman several weeks ago. She looked at several of my paintings, as well as a bunch of photos of paintings and said, “Oh, how bright and colorful. They remind me of summer!! How about July, 2008!!!”

“WHAT?????” (to myself)

Damn, I should have brought in my dark and depressing winter ones, since at that very moment I experienced a massive wave of disappointment at the thought of having to wait almost a  year for a show.  But I guess not all artists get a One Woman Show, do they witty?

Hopefully by then, I’ll have a low paying menial job and they’ll let me have a day off from “The Dollar Store” for my little art show soiree with all the many people whose friendship I haven’t somehow destroyed with my blog. 

It’ll be great, I say, GREAT! 🙂


8 Responses to “nothing rhymes with employment”

  1. Joe Says:

    Why wouldn’t they want an artist at the arts and crafts store? Wouldn’t that be like hiring a mechanic at an auto repair shop? Some things just never make sense.

  2. kittiefan17 Says:

    ugggh! I hate those damn snobby employers!

  3. poolagirl Says:

    Job searching is the most frustrating thing. In this town, it’s all about who you know rather than what you know. Sad.

  4. LA Says:

    I am so there! Try and stop me! Nyah! Which ‘there’???? I’m not telling. I’ll just swoop in and start hugging you and you’ll have a full freak out over this strange gigantic transvestite type touching you and everybody will be very impressed and buy all your paintings because everybody knows shrieking hissy fit throwing artists who hang out with giant oddball genderly ambiguous types are the best kind of artists. Then you’ll be way famous and you’ll never ever have to work for a prune face at a fabric store.

    So don’t say I’ve never done anything for you. ~LA

  5. scotvalkyrie Says:

    I actually got my killer job (you know the one where i get to knit and watch movies all day?) through a temp agency. All they seem to want to know is if you can type and answer a phone. have you tried that? I know it might be soul killing but it’s amazing what you can get used to . . . 😛

  6. Pam Says:

    Yay for the one-woman art show coming through, and boo-hiss and a big “you suck” to the snotty employers, especially the last one.

  7. Bebe Da FairyGodMum Says:

    Ohhh I’m sooo happy to hear that you are showing your artwork! It reminds me of how I’ve neglected mine since working at Big Retailer. Gosh…. now I’ll have a little bit of time to do some new paintings on four blank canvases that have been collecting dust since May. Supposed to have a group show in November, but wouldn’t ya know it… I’ll be in VEGAS Baybeeeee… Hugz n Lub, Bebe da FairyGodMum

  8. golfwidow Says:

    Real “employment” rhymes with “enjoyment.” “Managers,” on the other hand, sort of rhymes with “damagers.”

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