camping sounds good

I bet you’ve been saying….I wonder where that witty has been these last 8 days. Did she finally find some handsome dude off PlentyofNothing? Did she finally win the lottery and decide she doesn’t need to write any more, because she’s happy and doesn’t need a place to kvetch! Or maybe she even got invited camping, since its such a nice time of the year….as in, the last of the heat and the first of the cooler temperatures. Wait, I have pictures…


Ahhhh, doesn’t that look relaxing? A tent set up on a grassy knoll, presumably under a tree, possibly near a fjord. Hey, it could happen, you know with Global Warming and all.

But no. Its not my tent. And if the photo looks a little grainy or pixilated or like it was, I don’t know, shot through a screened window, its because…

IT WAS!!!! My bedroom window!!! Some dude decided to camp under my freakin’ bedroom window at my apartment complex. Like WTF? What is this Yellowstone freakin’ National Park?!? Oy!

I had heard strange noises this morning. Rustling and scraping and popping. I figured it was Garden Hacker Guy out in the yard building a recreation of Devil’s Tower like in “Close Encounters of the Third Kind” or something, since he’s always doing stuff like that. So I tried to fall back to sleep, because I’ve been having really severe insomnia lately and having to listen to scraping and rustling at 8 a.m. just wasn’t doable. So I closed my bedroom windows which face the courtyard and went back to a kind of unsettled sleep. When I woke at 10, Guardcat was staring with great intensity out of the window. Like woo, there’s a kitty igloo being built. Can I go live there?

So I looked down and saw the tent. When I had been hovering in and out of sleep for those two hours I had heard talking. But I always hear talking since Garden Hacker Guy is like the official Greeter for Crazy Central, waiting on his porch until somebody appears in the parking lot and then pouncing on them to talk about aphids. But there had been an extraordinary amount of activity under my window during those two hours, but I couldn’t quite hear what they were saying.

“Yeah, this place was listed in all the AAA tour guides. Great views. Close to the library. Can watch chicks in their bedroom windows at night. Yeah, great spot!”

Although I think I vaguely heard my nitwit landlord talking, since he has this high nasally voice asking somebody something and then the reply was “I got kicked out of my apartment, so I’m camping out.”

Now does that seem fair? Everyone else at Crazy Hilton has to pay $595/mo. And he gets to camp out for free? Of course I have seen rats and skunks running around in the yard late at night, but if the dear lad doesn’t have access to any bathing facilities, they may have more in common than any of us would care to know.

And what is going to happen tonight. A campfire? The smell of burnt wienies wafting skyward. Maybe the sad wail of a harmonica playing campfire songs. Or the retelling of spooky stories about the serial killer scratching at the car door while the girl is hiding in the backseat waiting for her boyfriend to return. I mean, the tent is right under my freakin’ bedroom window. We have 52 apartments here. Why can’t he go camp in front of theirs?

Although if he’s making S’mores tonight, all bets are off. He’ll definitely be invited up…you know, just as long as he somehow showers first and brings the chocolates.


15 Responses to “camping sounds good”

  1. crankygirl Says:

    How does “you’re under arrest” sound? That’s bizarre. Can’t the twit go to a park?

  2. Kathy Says:

    That is truly bizarre. Does he plan on spending the winter there?

  3. warcrygirl Says:

    Throw a bucket of water out your window and shout Garde de l’eau! Or you could go out at night with a flashlight and scare the crap out of him?

  4. artgnome Says:

    It’s called vagrancy in my neck of the woods, along with trespassing on private property. No shelters in your area? How bout a hostel? I guess his parents had the locks changed, finally. AND he probably still manages to pick up chicks using the library internet service.

    What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?


  5. stepfordtart Says:

    Ha! ‘Round these parts, artgnome, that joke applies to ALL musicians. There’s not one of BFs pals who hasnt lived in his car at some point in their lives! I think you should totally hide in the bushes with a torch (I refuse to say ‘flashlight’) under your chin and scare the living shite out of him. Or maybe just get a peashooter and bombard him with missiles til you can hear him muttering “WTF IS that?!”. s x

  6. Miss Hiss Says:

    Yes, I think warcrygirl has the right idea. I’d be emptying the teapot over him every chance I had. (Also the contents of the bottom of the parrot’s cage — or in your case, Guardcat’s kittylitter.) Oh, and when you’re having trouble sleeping, you can take your new boyfriend some beans and together you can recreate the fart scene in “Blazing Saddles”. Won’t the others at Crazy Hilton be so jealous? Love, R xxx

  7. Poolie Says:

    I’d empty the teapot and maybe a few other pots too. What a goofus!

  8. Barbelle Says:

    Heh, heh! That is really bizarre!! You always seem to have the most interesting things happen to you! I’m surprised Guardcat didn’t growl. If you just ignore him I’m sure he will go away before winter. Or head south or something.

  9. LA Says:

    Lentils. Scattering lentils over the tent at random intervals. They’ll sound like rain but will not leave tell-tale evidence as dumping actual liquid would. I figure you gotta fight crazy with crazy. Besides, I believe it is perfectly legal to chuck handfuls of lentils out your window. What could he say to a cop? “Wah!!! I’m being pelted with dried legumes!”??? He’s an f-ing squatter! ~LA

  10. scotvalkyrie Says:

    Yikes. Just Yikes.

  11. betty Says:

    The falls themselves were amazing!!! I laughed the entire time we were getting soaked!

  12. Andria Says:

    That’s the kind of weird shit I would expect to happen to me. I say you embrace this opportunity and go offer him some milk and cookies. And then stick a note on the tent that says, “If this tent’s rockin’, don’t bother knockin’.”

    Sorry. That was bad.

  13. Andria Says:

    That’s the kind of weird shit I would expect to happen to me. I say you embrace this opportunity and go offer him some milk and cookies. And then stick a note on the tent that says, “If this tent’s rockin’, don’t bother knockin’.”

    Sorry. That was bad.

  14. Violet Says:

    Put your speakers up to the window and start blasting that song by the Outfield that starts “Josie’s on a vacation far away…” over and over and over, possibly while singing along. That’s how I got my irritating neighbor to move. Yeah. I don’t know where he ended up, actually. This guys’ name isn’t Todd, is it?

  15. yankeechick Says:

    Yeah, it’s pretty obvious! If he doesn’t come through with s’mores I’m with LA and the lentil showers! How delightfully entertaining could that be?!?

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