watching “lets make a deal” naked

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Consider writing an entertaining advertisement about yourself in order to attract the resources you’d like to play with. Or think about buying the domain name “showerblessingson[putyournamehere].com,” then setting up a website where the world can send you business offers, marriage proposals, free gifts, and invitations to travel. The point is, Aquarius, that the upcoming weeks will be a perfect time to get very aggressive and highly specific about asking for what you need. Rev up the fun-loving parts of your

This horoscope for a person who’s afraid to ask someone to pass the salt? Sure, there are lots of things I’d love to ask for.  I actually already had one of those things fulfilled…with my recent trip to New York City and MOMA. Maybe I was just warming up for the big “Give Witty Lots of Presents-a-Thon” thingie.

Because I noticed something this weekend. I ain’t getting any younger…or any richer….or definitely not any happier. And look what happened to my car yesterday morning.


The speedometer hit 222,222 miles. Can you imagine? I bet you wish you were me!

And for some reason, there’s been all sorts of these weird juxtapositions the last couple of days, like Tuesday when I went to see my case manager downtown. I’m turning the corner on the two block long street…downtown…and who do I almost hit with my car? My therapist “A”! He’s running downtown! Like WTF! I know he’s on vacation this month, but WTF? I mean I could see this happening out in the suburbs where he lives, but not downtown. It was too fucking weird.   

And then when I got back to the Village, I was in the yuppie grocery store parking lot looking for a space when I nearly plowed into this guy and his son walking in the parking lot. It was Married Guy and my dear little former sweetie Kidlet. I haven’t seen Kidlet in almost 3 years. He’s almost 17 now.

Everyone had all been dressed completely in these glowing white clothes. “A”…Married Guy…Kidlet. It was like some kind of oddball, karma-esque “This is your life…” show hosted by an invisible crypt-keeper dragging people out and literally throwing them in the path of my car.

Part of it was…”Here are the people that were important in your life” and then the other part was “Why is this all happening on the same freakin’ day?” I had seen Married Guy at this store one other time, but I’m not about to stop going to MY store in MY town just because he chooses to shop there. Its 1/4 mile from my house. Its 8-9 miles from his.

So I swung around the parking lot, wondering what to do. I finally decided fuuuuuuck, I’m going into the store…but first let me fix my make-up so I don’t look like Shrek’s armpit.

Yeah, I know…my bad. 😦

See “A” was probably sending up micro-guilt-waves from wherever he was, because I did feel guilty as I strode into the store, looking as glam as a chubby hippy chick with a double chin could look. Because then I just started walking around the store…without a basket, gathering and balancing more and more stuff in my arms, just so I could look as dorky as I truly am. Oy!

And why the hell was I picking up so many greasy, sugary, highly caloric things, I was starting to wonder. Stress? Angst? Its me! witty! What else could it be???

Because what would I say if I bumped into him? Hi. Wow. Like what happened to all your hair? Yeah, I know…what hair? Ha, ha, ha. Gotta love those opportunities when men lose their hair and its the only thing you’ve got left to slam them with.

But apparently I was in stealth mode (i.e., my usual invisible self), because I never once saw them in the store, even when I stupidly lingered near the lottery machine, losing a dollar, hoping to catch a glimpse of them. But not really. But kinda. I knew Married Guy (ha, I just typed Marred Guy…that’s for sure) wouldn’t say anything inappropriate in front of his son in a store. But still, what the hell was I doing? Waiting for that horoscope to kick in?

Drop your blessings on me, oh wonderful one. Woo! Bake me cookies. Massage my feet. At least buy me a Subway sandwich, no lettuce, like you used to.

Anyhoo, I just got a very nice call. Remember a couple of weeks ago when I talked about inviting my friend “S” out from California and her husband BOB sent me a note telling me it was dangerous and unsafe in New York and he would never ALLOW her to come here again? Well, she just called and will be here for a short visit on Tuesday or Wednesday. And no she didn’t know about the letter from her husband. And she got very sassy in a Scorpio hand-on-her-hip kind of way, when I timidly told her her husband had said she wouldn’t be “allowed” to ever come here again.

Her: “Allowed??? Hruuumphhhh!” 

So I guess I better start cleaning house and getting some of my art  into frames instead of just having it look like a nuclear explosion just went off.  

And speaking of nuclear explosions….were we?….last night in my art class, it was a little less chaotic then it has been the last couple of weeks and I didn’t even have to step in and help with anything. I had stopped and picked up “L” the Hippy Chick on the way, and got to visit with her kitty friends, who all hang out on her front porch.


Isn’t it funny how cats can live in poverty and not realize it and just be happy? Good lesson to learn, perhaps.

Anyways, we had the same model, we’ve had now for about 4 times in the last two months. A HRM…Heavy Rotation Model. And when you draw the same person over and over, it gets a little boring.  Or I may just have a short attention span. (Thanks Clonopin!)

Because as I was drawing her in the hour pose, I started to stray a little bit. Okay…maybe more than just a little bit. Heh! 

 I don’t know if it was because I ate a lot of sugar at the break or it was just the weird music the Sci Fi Guy was playing but I started to create this really weird drawing.

Yes, I had her in the drawing…looking strangely, like Frodo’s nekkid Hobbit mother watching “Let’s Make a Deal” on an old 1950’s television set with rabbit ears that had sparks generating between them. And then there was a strange little creature hiding underneath the TV, which JS later dubbed “a squirrel-dog.” And then in a picture window behind the TV was a nuclear bomb exploding out in the distance. What was in those fucking cookies at break? Because Frodo’s mother was also wearing a watch that says “Its time!” 

What does it all mean? I’m not sure.  I’m not quite done with it, especially when Sci Fi Guy looked at it afterwards and said the nuclear explosion was “too pretty” and “looked like a gray flower.” Ha! Yes, its true those were valid concerns, but hey, how many people do you know that can draw a nuclear explosion from memory.


6 Responses to “watching “lets make a deal” naked”

  1. Stepfie Says:

    Your writing’s fab at the moment witty, dear. Life’s obviously still a bit fucked up, but the writings FAB! Not trying to be flippant, just bigging you up a bit. I love reading your stuff. so there. s xxx

  2. chaosdaily Says:

    sure you werent dreaming???

  3. Anna Says:

    Yeah, what Stepfie said. And she knows writing. x

  4. Andria Says:

    Yeah, I’m with Chaos. That all sounds very bizarro world. When I was a teenager, I had a car that at one point had 333,333 miles on it (which is why I will probably always drive a toyota).

  5. warcrygirl Says:

    I think if you go jogging in a pure white outfit you’re just ASKING to be hit by a car. Or by a bus. Are you sure you weren’t trapped in some freak Tide commercial?

  6. Jennifer (ariawoman) Says:

    I love that you took a picture when you car hit 222222. Mine recently hit 123456 and I actually pulled over to take a picture LOL

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