no, not THAT Tony

ha, ha, ha. I just got an e-mail five minutes ago.  I may print it out and put it up on my fridge. Or go run over it with my car a few dozen times.


I take it that I hurt your feelings on Saturday by leaving you alone too long on the break.  

Do you want to talk about this?

Did I ruin  country dancing for you forever?

– Handyman”

Holy smokes!  Do you think? Did your girlfriend dump you already? I don’t think you ruined dancing for me. I actually think you ruined any chance of ever talking to me again, snerkwitz!

Why do I suddenly feel like eating three pints of ice cream? 

Anyways, so did you watch Tony Sunday night? No not Tony Soprano, the Tony Awards! Yeah, I know it was just me and 14 million gay guys.  We had a good time though. They all came over to my apartment and we painted each other’s toe nails and  were  talking trash about Paris Hilton being in jail and they did an extreme make-over on all the clothes in my closet (“Oh honey, not even Elliot Gould would wear this!”) and we all sang with David Hyde Pierce when he did that Kander and Ebb tune from “Curtains” and we all sighed when cute little Zach Braff  from “Scrubs” fessed up to being a “musical theatre” aficionado, since we all knew what that really meant. Wink, wink.

And of course all “my boys”, gathered at my feet and  listened intently whilst I told them about Handyman, some crying softly and some getting indignant, like gay men like to do,  immediately wanting to form what they called a Pink Posse to go throw expensive sling back shoes at him.  It was great momentarily having their support, but then suddenly it was time to watch for my best friend at the Tony Awards. His partner ( it can’t be me since, you know,  he’s gay) was nominated for an award and guess what? Go ahead guess! He won!! I was so excited I might have accidentally thrown Guardcat up in the air, instead of a pillow, because suddenly there “it” was, the right side of my Best friend’s face on National Television.


He didn’t get to go up and get the award unfortunately, since it was his boyfriend’s show, but it was still exciting to sort of sharing in his victory, especially since we used to always watch the Tony Awards together as teenagers in a small town in Northern California and  “G” would always tell me he’d be in New York doing that someday.  And I always believed him since I was his best friend and knew he was capable of doing anything he wanted.

So I really enjoyed the Tonys. It was the first relief I had had from the week o’ crap. And from what I’m hearing I guess it had a better finale than “The Sopranos.” I actually used to watch that show on a regular basis. It was Married Guy’s favorite show. Oh my god! The one time we went to NYC together, and drove through Jersey, he was all like, “Oh there’s where Paulie Walnut’s whacked Murray the Hand. And that’s where Carm gets her hair highlighted. And that’s where Tony slept with da hooker.” Oy! He’d even talk about it during my massages. The naughty parts, that is.

I really know how to pick them, don’t I? 

Anyways, thanks for all your kind and supportive comments this last week. I really appreciate them. Time for dinner now.


11 Responses to “no, not THAT Tony”

  1. Anne Says:

    OMG…(he doesn’t deserve more than an abbreviation!) What a, yes I’m going to say it, FUCKTARD.

    I will send supportive thoughts to KFK for that man, or the engineer, to finally find you.

    leaves grumbling about the creatures with the “y” chromosome because again, “Why?!?”

  2. Poolie Says:

    Oh, jeeze! What is up with that? Oh, jeeze!

  3. karmacat Says:

    During the break?! When he had another date? Oh my god, it’s like Ross and Rachel — “We were on a BREAK!” Damn fool.

  4. warcrygirl Says:

    I’d just ignore him if I were in your shoes. Did he ruin country dancing for you forever? When was country dancing NOT ruined????

  5. scotvalkyrie Says:

    I think you should tell him exactly what you said: “I actually think you ruined any chance of ever talking to me again, snerkwitz!” except call him “dickless wonder sonofabitch with an Oedipal complex”.

  6. golfwidow Says:

    I would say something about his behavior not being particularly charming, myself.

  7. FuzzyGrey Says:

    (snicker) snerkwitz…

  8. Stepfie Says:

    Harumph! Send a note back saying “Country Dancing is DA BOMB!!!! I soooo love it! But you, my friend, are a wanker.” I understand that the term ‘wanker’ is not much used on your side of the pond. I think that’s a shame as it is most certainly apt. s x

  9. Stepfie Says:

    Heeeee! My first bit of spam! I get it all the time at work but its usually about investment opportunities rather than racist moral guidance rants! Im so proud! s x

  10. crankygirl Says:

    Dear Asshole–

    We’re two very different people; I have manners and you don’t.


  11. Seacreature Says:

    Haha! I like Crankygirl’s letter. Either send that, or nuthin’. I don’t think he deserves an answer, actually. Pisshead.

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