Reading up on thangs

Hi, I see you made it. I hope seeing my face this big isn’t too scary for you. I was just sitting here reading about the “Eight Things that Will Doom a Relationship“. I thought I better get cracking before my date with Handyman this weekend.  I already know one…”Be charming” Heh! Yup, yup, yup.  And then there’s its bipolar cousin…”Don’t be neurotic and needy like your mother.”  Ha! I just made that one up just now, since it was my mom’s birthday yesterday and we had to refer to her chair as the throne throughout her birthday party. And you wonder why I talk about myself in first person.

Anyways, the list was fairly self explanatory, although its a scientific fact that love/infatuation/lust all make your brain go wack-a-doo, and that’s why they have to repeatedly run articles in newspapers and write books like “He’s not into you” and do shows on “Oprah” because we’re just dumb humans who are blinded by the thought of someone 1) holding us. 2) telling us nice things. 3) buying us ice cream (wink, wink) 4). picking up the cat hairball that looks like the remnents from something in “Alien” and did I mention holding us? I am so ready to be held right now. Yowza.

My week continues to be craptacular in the first degree. Like I’ve written e-mails to several people and gotten no replies. I’ve been called the wrong name by three people…Once at my old job by the Jesus freak who called me “Deb”. He might have just been messing with my head  or Jesus told him to do it or something. Someone on the internet who knows me, left a comment to “Julia” and then I got mail from my doctor of 8 years with the name “Caroline” on the envelope. Sorry dudes, none of those  names are even close to what is on my birth certificate.

And then I got totally nuked by my case manager yesterday.  “R” has been my worker for over 8 years. We get along really well because she has a caustic sense of humor like me and we’ll sometimes talk about things like internet dating and stuff and she’s almost like a friend rather than a case manager.  Yesterday I asked her to take me to the Medicaid office, because I didn’t want to face that horrific bitch of a worker because I was a few days late with some paperwork. Without the approval of this bitch, I have no health insurance. So, as you can see, it was of some importance.

So we went there. “R” drove rather angrily and haphazardly, like she was pissed off. We went up to the office and dropped off the paperwork. I wanted her to help me deal with the Evil Medicaid Hellion, but I guess it was feeding hour at the HELLicaid office and we didn’t get to see her.

So we get back in the car and I was angsting out about whether I would have health insurance for June and could “R’ maybe call the office in a day or two to check. And she shoots me this glance and says, “What if I died tomorrow,  then what would you do?”

This is the woman assigned to help me with the complexities of the social services of America. I suffer from severe anxiety. I could have very easily taken the paperwork down to HELLicaid by myself. I just wanted and needed her support. Because why? THAT’S HER JOB. And besides what kind of thing is that to say to someone on disability who suffers from anxiety and depression?

Anyways, she dropped me off in the parking lot at my old job and I went and sat in my car and cried for about 15 minutes. 

And then this morning I get a call from Charlemagne who tore me a new one because I didn’t write his full name in our art class newsletter. And also there was no mention of a sponsor from our recent seminar at the university.  He kept sharply asked me if I was the editor and unless my phone was converting my language to Lithuanian and he was unable to understand me, I’m pretty sure I kept saying no. I can’t put information in a newsletter unless you give it to me asshole. And no, I don’t write it, I’m just the lowly graphic artist putting it together.

And he has a lot of nerve after last night. I went to help co-host our class at 6:30. I was waiting and waiting. Why does this seem so familiar???????????????????? And I don’t have a key. Fortunately the manager of the community center was still there and he unlocked our door and I was able to start frantically pulling things out with the help of our incoming customers. Charlemagne comes strolling in 3 minutes before the class was due to start. I was furious.

Last night was the last time I will co-host. I’m done.  Finito. I don’t need the stress.

So after I hung up from Charlemagne this morning I just started crying again. I’m really not playing the victim here, but its been a crappy week. I even had a bird poop inside my car.

But I did get an e-mail from Handyman this morning. Our date for Friday night is set. I had been angsting about that, thinking he would have second thoughts and wouldn’t call or write back, you know, since apparently I’m invisible, people can’t remember my name, they can yell at me and birds can poop in my car.


17 Responses to “Reading up on thangs”

  1. karmacat Says:

    Um, have fun tomorrow night?

  2. Poolie Says:

    I love your new digs!

  3. boxx9000 Says:

    THINK POSITIVE. repeat. repeat. repeat.

  4. Kittiefan17 Says:

    wow…it seems as if a lot of folks are leaving diaryland, which is a little sad=( I choose to stay because honestly, no blog site is better…in my opinion at least.

  5. Miss Hiss Says:

    YOU ARE NOT INVISIBLE! I’m just a horrid friend who has not yet poked herself hard enough to write back to you. (Also I’m busybusybusy and rained in at the moment, and my whole house is rawther drenched.) Oh, and I’m pretty sure The Carpenters had a song about why birds poop in your car. As I recall, it’s because they long to be close to you (or thereabouts). Love, R xxx

  6. Andria Says:

    WOO! I’m so glad you moved your blog. Do you know how many times in the last few days I’ve tried to leave comments, but diaryland won’t let me? Grrr.

    Also, I LOVE this template. I’m so jealous I didn’t see it first!

  7. pastlifecarthief Says:

    I skimmed through your entry and had to go back and read slowly because for a minute I thought you meant you had moved out of your apt. *shame*
    I really love the green! It suits you.

  8. skibigsky Says:

    Sorry to hear that you’ve left D-land, but I hope you’ll post your updates there, as I always seem to lose track of people, otherwise. Hugs to you, and I like the look!

  9. lisele Says:

    Welcome. I’ve been writing here since October and can’t believe I stayed at Dland so long. I’m adding you to my feed reader which is like a buddy list only Way Better.

  10. sparkspark Says:

    XOX to you, Bella, and wishes for a better week ahead. Or month. Hell, I don’t want to limit you: let’s just say (because it’s important to be VERY SPECIFIC in these wishes) that I wish you the best for the future. I should write for fucking Hallmark, because I am clearly a genius.

    Anyway, about that bird poop: Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t know, when I put that parrot in there, that he would do that. He was supposed to be trained. It won’t happen again.

    And: dig your new digs.


  11. FuzzyGrey Says:

    so, this is cool.. how does it work? does it mirror ALL your entries from diaryland? Sure, I could look to see, but it would be so much greater for me if you tell me. 😀 Cause I love you and adore you and emulate you.

  12. golfwidow Says:

    Surely you have some sort of recourse regarding your caseworker, if not to confront her herself (I’d be scared shitless to do that if it were I in your place) then to the organization for whom she works. Whether or not I named her by name and made a formal complaint, I’d want something on record about the unethical and unprofessional treatment I’d received under her care and at her hand, as it were.

    (Thank goodness you’re in here – D’Land stopped permitting me to comment ages ago.)

  13. Pam Says:

    You are far from invisible. You rock. People (and pooping birds) are just stupid! I linked you over at Weasel Writes, my new blog. I still keep the D-land one too for all my angst and pointed a-holery : ). Have fun tonight!

  14. Kat Says:

    Love your new home Witty. And good luck on your date tonight!

  15. warcrygirl Says:

    WOOO!! You’re here! Welcome to the club, my dear. I’m sorry you’re having a bad week, hopefully your totally successful and fun date tonight will help make up for it. A bird? INSIDE YOUR CAR? It just boggles the mind.

  16. Seacreature Says:

    I’m glad you’ve moved here, this is much nicer. I moved from Dland for the same reasons, it was such a pain in the ass. So many stupid glitches.

    Awwww…{{{{{HUGS}}}}} I’m sorry you’re having a bad week. It sucks so much when people don’t understand your anxiety and depression. I’m very surprised at your case worker. Sounds like someone is a little burnt out with their job… I’ve been seeing a counselor again lately ’cause I’m going through a lot of stress and transition in life… It’s nice to have someone recognize that you ARE, in fact, an anxious mess and need help. It’s also nice to have someone tell you that you have reason to be anxious, and to try to help you through it.

    Okay, feel better and have a wonderful date tonight!

  17. Seacreature Says:

    Wow! That works swell! No more waiting 6 hours for Dland to register the comment!

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